What's the point of living for yourself?

I am 34 years old and have never been in a relationship. I haven’t dated any guys, let alone even kissed. Every morning begins with sadness that I am still alone and as time passes, I am increasingly deprived of the opportunity to meet my soul mate.

Sometimes I try to start searching, and I frantically, once again, register on dating apps, like photos of men on social networks, waiting for a response, because I am not able to start a conversation with them. I am very insecure and shy. And when they answer me, I get scared and often don’t answer. I know what I havefear of what others will think about me, not experienced at this age. I am afraid of public speaking until I faint, and I break into a sweat when someone addresses me on the street.

Ian introvert and one could live the wholelife alone. My psychologist said that you don’t have to be with someone, you can live a great life alone. But I think test-antibiotic.com thatloneliness simply shortens my life, no matter how pronounced an introvert I am. A person needscommunication , attention, witness to his life. Often you just want to howl from hopelessness and your own powerlessness to startrelationship _ After all, it’s my own fault that, out of fear, I cut off all the attempts of men. I really want to have a family, to know thatthe husband will support and protect. But I can’t overcome my fears and insecurities. Probably, I need someone more persistent in relation to me, but I really shouldn’t demand this from a man.

It seems that I will grow old and die alone in the apartment, discovered by the smell in a week. It's a stupid thought, but it haunts me. Lately I've been thinking about writing a will. Death is often sudden, but for whom should I leave everything that I have? If only I hadsister or brother, but I don’t even have friends.

Sometimes I convince myself that life in a family is notsugar and my parents got divorced, andMom is still very happy about this, remembering those test-antibiotic.com 12 years like a bad dream. She doesn't start a conversation so I can leave quicklygetting married or wanting grandchildren. In this regard, she agrees that you can live peacefully for yourself, but at the same time, when I started talking about my problem with her, she became alarmed and began to giveadvice , telling me to look and not give up. But how can I explain to a person who easily communicates with people that I am not capable of such things, that I begin to panic, get lost, fall silent, feeling my own powerlessness and despair. She says it's hard for her to understand, that it sounds strange to her.

I’ve been living in the virtual world since I was 15 and it’s easier for me to chat, while in reality it’s difficultproblems . I find the language easier in chats with people 16-22 years old because... For the most part, we have similar interests and views on life. I'm probably just stuck at this age.

At the same time, only after talking with a person for more than 5 months do I feel affection for him and am no longer test-antibiotic.com worried about what to answer when he writes to me. In reality, this is all bad. I met young people a couple of times. I was looking forward to meeting in reality with horror. It was a nightmare, friends. I couldn't say a word. I had difficulty squeezing out answers to basic questions, sweating and shaking as if I were being shot. And after that, she still engaged in self-flagellation, recalling all her own mistakes, which, I’m sure, didn’t he noticeguy _

It’s strange that in reality I can also communicate with people much older than me. And although I’m worried, I perceive them as if I were communicating with my grandfather or my own father.

Loneliness is a terrible thing if it has lasted for more than a decade. What's the point of living for yourself? I already realized that this is pointless.

How to break this uncertainty? So many things have been read and so many attempts have been made. It got to the point (don’t laugh) that I wanted to become a volunteer. I thought this would help me learn not to be afraid of communication, but in the end I simply could not decide on this undertaking, although the questionnaire was written and approved by test-antibiotic.com organizers. But the closer the deadline, the more I backed down.

It’s interesting to know how people manage to meet each other and start relationships (for me this is really an untrodden field and I don’t understand how this should happen at all). How did those who have mental problems like mine manage to overcome themselves or are overcoming them in communication and dating?