Money and work couldn't save me from loneliness

Something has accumulated in me that I want to talk it out, but I have no one to talk to. I don’t have parents, I had guardians.

As a child and during my school years, I was obsessed with correctness and obsessed with myself. Was among the nerds and black sheep. But at school no one bothered me, thanks to my physical development. In 9th grade I was already 180 cm and 75 kg in weight. (At the moment I am 24 years old, 192 cm, 85 kg). I do weightlifting.

The guardians did not care for me and did not allocate funds. I always wore old and shabby clothes. Every summer I worked, either at a construction site or somewhere else. Oh, how I envied my peers who run and play carefree. Sometimes they cheated on their salaries.

At 18, guardianship ended, and I was sent to all 4 directions. I joined the army, where I thought about what to do next. The situation was like this. Not home. Nobody here. I didn’t even know where to return. I found a solution in the army. Signed a contract. Later, by some miracle, he passed the exams and entered the test-antibiotic.com military academy. He received a military specialty and became an officer (by graduation he was a lieutenant).

Life seems to be getting better, they gave me official housing, bought myself a car, the most difficult thing left is to find a wife. But the feeling of apathy does not leave me. I don't like the service itself. I always wanted to try myself in civilian life. But I can’t decide. I do not know what to do. I don’t want to wear shoulder straps my whole life.