The long-awaited motherhood was not a joy

I understand that I am writing terrible things, I had to go through so much for this pregnancy! One frozen, 3.5 years of unsuccessful attempts,treatment , charlatan doctors, idiot doctors and genius doctors...

My husband was always supportive and spared no expense for new examinations andmedicines ,Mom wailed every week about how she wanted grandchildren. And I considered myself somehow defective. Well why and for what? Why does God give drug addicts and alcoholics children, they maim them, kill them, children live a terrible life, which not every adult could live. But he doesn’t give me the opportunity to give me a new onea life that I will adore and cherish? Everyone around me expects from me what I cannot do.

And finally, it worked! Mypregnancy is not a gift from God, but a gift from science, an excellent doctor. The first two months were very difficult, I had to quit my favorite job. I lay flat, sometimes crawling to the kitchen and toilet.

And now it becomes a little easier for me, they help me get to my grandparents, I miss them so much, my grandfather has been sick for a long time. But what I saw was completely test-antibiotic.com sad, he could barely speak. I told him about the pregnancy, he was really looking forward to his great-grandson, but he never got a boy grandson. He had a dream to give his grandson a gold personalized ring. It didn’t work out, I was waiting for my great-grandson. He was happy about the news and asked for it faster, but I said that it would not be advisable to arrive before November. And 2 days later he died. I had never been to a funeral in my life, I could barely stand in church, I was still very weak. I couldn’t go to the wake; I slept all day.

After 3 weeks, the parents’ young dog dies, a month later, the grandmother dies, and after another 3 months, the ex hanged himself from a tree. I understand that you need to stay calm during pregnancy, but how? When half of your loved ones or once close people decided to die? AlsoMy husband has been on a business trip for a month since the 28th week, and there have also been a wagon and a small cart of inappropriate incidents during pregnancy. The neighbors were flooded, my husband was abroad, and there was no one to help. Conflict at work, all the way to court. The military registration and enlistment office remembered my military service and had to prove my position in the 29th week. In addition to everything else, test-antibiotic.com it turns out that you cannot give birth yourself, only a planned cesarean section. And then she was diagnosed with dyspepsia 2 weeks before giving birth in pathology, where she also contracted an acute respiratory infection. In short, this is not pregnancy, but a natural disaster.

Childbirth. Clearly, harmoniously, everything was agreed, but I was completely knocked out. I still remember only the cry of the child and also heard that something went wrong, extensive adhesions, bleeding, the operation was delayed. The tests are bad, no breastfeeding, 2 liters of antibiotics per day. Lactostasis, pumping,The pain was terrible, I almost lost consciousness. My mother-in-law helped, I bow to her.

I should have suspected that something was going wrong even in the maternity hospital. On the second day at night I couldn’t wake you uphusband so that he would go get the formula, and from the intensive care unit to the children's department she went to get it, bending in half. Then my husband almost never went to get the formula. On the day of discharge, an ultrasound had to be done, my husband was at work, and I asked my mother to sit with the baby. Business there for a couple of minutes. I'm going with an ultrasound and the whole department hears how mythe son is crying. I go into the test-antibiotic.com ward, the mother in the corner is finishing her cookies, the child is crying in a ditch at the other end of the ward. She came up, took him in her arms, fell asleep, smiling.

Finally home, sweet home. No, not very dear, it’s not even been a day since we returned, and the neighbors decided to pull the ceiling through the wall, and this is a couple of hours of hammer drill work, the little one shudders and gets scared. I had to run away. I’m learning to breastfeed on my own, now the medications have left my body, I can start. Cracks, pain, breastfeeding, breast refusal, slight weight gain, supplemental feeding, another breast refusal, atopic dermatitis, none of the formulas worked. Not one! Neither hypoallergenic nor hydrolyzed. Colic, endless screaming for 3 months, the baby doesn’t get enough to eat, and there’s nothing to feed him well. There is little milk, there are no normal doctors on the horizon.

My husband is doing weird things without a button accordion. Relationships... yes they are like thatrelationship _ He came, took out change, checks, chewing gum from his pocket, threw it in one place, from another pocket in another place. I threw my socks where I took them off, and the same with my clothes. I devoured it, left the dishes on the table and stared at the phone, never once took the child’s hand on test-antibiotic.com - he’s busy, choosing a new car for himself, which I also put half of my efforts into. I begin to say that it’s not good, that he should also participate, that the little one won’t let me eat or drink, that I haven’t seen warm food for months, that I just want to have the time and the right to go to the shower. He gets angry, makes scandals, goes to a corporate party and drinks himself to death, I pump him until the morning, packs my things, beats me. Finish!

How did I get so low? From a respected doctor to a woman who gets beaten. There is nowhere to go, everything is invested in his new car, I’m sitting, rocking the baby, I want to go to the toilet, but I can’t get out - suddenly he wakes up. Mom said that this is what I need, because of my character. Mother , pedagogical education still passed by. If someone beats my child (no matter how old he is 5 or 45, I will always remain on his side, always).

Of course, what kind of body can withstand months of lack of sleep, hundreds of hours of motion sickness, lack of normal nutrition, lack of help. Obviously test-antibiotic.com is not an organism weighing 47 kg, after giving birth. And I got sick. An acute respiratory infection with a temperature of over 40. The main thing was not to infect the child. Because if I manage to end up in the hospital, then, probably,the child would have completely died of starvation. I begged the non-working mother to stay with the baby, rock him, change diapers, so that she could have less contact. And she came reluctantly. I cooked, cleaned, aired, did wet cleaning, she sat with the little one. Sometimes. But mostly she sat on the phone, asking for tea. Well, in short, a helper from God. Although her grandmother helped her all her life.

Oh yes, about grandfather and the ring. After his death, she, of course, took the ring. I once mentioned that my grandfather would like his great-grandson to have the ring. I don’t need it, I’m indifferent to gold, the ring is dear to me, as a memory of my beloved grandfather. She started a scandal, I laughed at her, let her play with her little sweetheart, wow, how low.

Now the little one is one year old (at his birthday, my mother never held him in her arms and, while my dad didn’t see test-antibiotic.com, she probably watched Discovery on Youtube). Well, the guy is not upset, he is not very interested in her. But he adores my dad, how can you not love him? He plays with him both with the ball and at hide-and-seek; the little one scurries with delight at the sight of him. There is no such effect from my husband, he still doesn’t want to spend time with him. No, the three of us spend time together, my husband just pretends that there are two of us. He does not address his son, does not communicate with him, always talks about him in the third person, in short, he avoids the child. The little guy still hangs on me day and night, I’m exhausted, it’s impossible to do anything around the house, he grabs me by the legs and hangs me. On the one hand, I understand him, because I am the only person on earth who pays attention to him. Of course, I want to go to the toilet alone. But... I want to get a haircut, and I’m already screaming to go to the doctor. But there is no one to sit with the child. Mother-in-law is golden! She picked up the little one twice on her only day off at test-antibiotic.com for a couple of hours. And he can give you gifts in the form of ready-made food - cutlets or homemade pie.

It seems that I will soon go crazy from fatigue and migraines. It seems the child has destroyed ourmarriage _ It seems like there will never be a normal life again. It seems that she is no longer needed much. Especially after the news from the neurologist that my form of migraine has no cure and will never go away. There are years of endless pain and a hanging screaming child ahead. And my friends smile and ask, should I go for the second one? Of course, I don’t like my son, but you have to be completely sick togive birth again. How do large families live? How do mothers do their hobbies while on maternity leave? This is clearly not my story.