I change and I won’t change

My name is Evgeniya, I am 29 years old. The story from my life that I want to tell, please don’t judge too much - it’s notconfession is, rather, a cry from the soul.

I have always been successful with men, I started dating guys at the age of 14, but the firstI had a man when I was 16. He and I started living together, in a civil marriage. He was 15 years older, he had an unsuccessfulmarriage and 10 year oldson .

Ourlove lasted until two lines on the test, then the beatings and humiliation began. It was immediately said that there would be no child and the sooner I had an abortion, the better for me. And I did it. I was 18 years old then, it seemed, why? You are already an adult, you will raise yourself, yes, but for what?money and where should I live? When my parents found out about our affair, they kicked me out of the house, I didn’t receive an education, but why do I need it? At least that's what I thoughtDarling .

2 months after the abortion, we broke up: he began test-antibiotic.com to harass me with the fact that I had an abortion, that I killed his child. He just mocked me, and I turned into a zombie: I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, I just smoked packs of cigarettes, walked aimlessly around the city. Then I started drinking heavily.

In a month I turned into something of a neuter kind. Seeing me like this, my parents took me in, put me in a paid clinic, injected me with vitamins and released me. By that time, my lover had already found another passion, and only 1.5 months had passed. When I came to his house, he told me: “Sorry, but I’m already busy.”

And at that moment something turned upside down in me, I became different, I began to use men, take advantage of them and cheat them. To get away from my parents, I went to study to become a cook. After finishing my studies, I got a job and immediately rented an apartment. I changed men every week, sometimes without even knowing their names. No, I didn’t need any gifts or money, I wanted to use it and throw it away as an unnecessary thing. Then I decided to also deliver them test-antibiotic.compain , I fell in love with a man, and then left him. These were not fleeting connections, but ordinary ones.relationship with courtship and everything, but then I left him, and at the same time I was sure to humiliate him somehow. It was fun for me to watch them suffer. Of course, I understood that it was already like a mania, but it was already part of my life.

One day, on another day of my search for another victim, I met Rostik. I immediately fell in love with a tall, dark-haired boy with blue eyes, and I saw from him that he really liked me too. We started talking, I was very surprised that he refused my offer to come for tea on the first evening. And in the second, and a week later. I was shocked.

We started dating. Rostik didn’t offer to sleep, he just met and walked with me. After 2 weeks I got tired of him, and I decided to leave him, I told him about it on the phone, he remained silent.

A week passed, I expected there to be calls and SMS, like from the previous ones, but there were none. There was no test-antibiotic.com even a week later. I began to worry: had he done something to himself? I dialed the number, he answered and said that he didn’t call because he was busy.

And again everything started spinning for us. I thought it was fate, so I decided not to cheat anymore, try to be faithful and start a normal relationship. I was faithful for exactly six months, I will say that during these six months we had a purely platonic relationship, and I wanted passion and pleasure. Day and evening I walked with Rostok, and at night with the first person I met.

A month later, Rostik found out about everything. He didn’t make any scandals, he just wrote an SMS: “And how many of them do you have?” He didn’t respond to my text messages or calls. At first I was even happy, but then I felt somehow uneasy, I started asking for forgiveness and he forgave. We got married. It happened that he forgot about me, sometimes he came home late. No, he didn’t cheat, he just had something more important than me.

A year after the wedding, I cheated, and then it started. We have been married for 4 years, 3 of which I have been cheating on him. Over the last year, I started stupidly humiliating and insulting him, he just withdraws into himself, remains silent, pretends that he doesn’t care. He really wanted a child, and I told him that children should be born from real men, and not from people like you. He simply said “really?” - and that’s it!

Friend says thatMy husband is gold, and so that I stop this debauchery. But I can’t, probably because I’m afraid that I’ll be offended again. And I’m afraid of getting pregnant - what if it all happens again?

I’ve been living in a rented apartment for a week now, I told my husband that we need to live separately, he didn’t react at all. He hasn't called once this week. I wrote an SMS that I missed you and that I would be back, he replied that he had a lot of work and would call back. And he doesn't call. It turns out that it’s not me who’s doing bad to him, but he’s doing it to me? Or maybe I fell in love?