How to overcome feelings of loneliness and start a new relationship?

I am 18 years old, which seems to be the best age, but recently an unpleasant situation has occurred in my life. I dated a young man for a year and a half, we studied at the same school, only he was a year older, he had just graduated, and I had just transferred to this school in the 10th grade. He immediately struck me as a decent, good guy, kind and sympathetic, as many people said. We started communicating, I literally found a kindred spirit in him. Beganrelationship , everything was fine, we spent all our free time together for a year, according to him, he felt at home with me.

I always tried to be there, supported him when his grandfather died, who raised him instead of his father since childhood, then I was also there after the death of his grandmother. I know his family; I was at his house at the last holiday. He always tried to spend all his free time with me; our relationship was tested by distance, when I left for another city for several months and was practically unable to communicate.

But from the very beginning of test-antibiotic.com I had a different mindset. I didn’t want to look far ahead, make plans forfuture , make big promises. He, on the contrary, did it. He was very angry when I asked not to say loud words like “forever.” He convinced me, made me believe in his words. He became family for me, a part of me. Even my parents weren’t against it anymore, they jokingly said that I’d be out soonmarried _ Yes, and once he proposed to me, or rather, he proposed that we get engaged and, as soon as I turn 18, get married. Naturally, I turned it into a joke. But later she became so attached to him that she literally breathed him. But this is his doing, he so wanted my reciprocal love.

There came a time when my life beganproblems , the main one is misunderstanding on the part of parents and the approaching exams. I was very worried and needed my loved one so much. And he disappeared more and more often, spending time with friends. Everything has changed. He himself has changed. He stopped striving for good results, began drinking, smoking, and telling me not to interfere test-antibiotic.com with his studies (with which there were big problems). I was very worried. I literally cried for several months and tried to talk to him. Unsuccessfully.

He seemed to be with me, but he didn’t seem to be. I couldn't stand it when he didn't invite me to hisbirthday at the dacha, citing the fact that there will be a purely male company and I have nothing to do there. I believe that if my presence was important to him, he would not have said that. I decided to talk for the last time, I said that I was tired and I couldn’t do this, I saw that he had changed, and it wouldn’t be the same as before. The answer was expected, although deep down I hoped for something else. He said that he didn’t treat me the way he used to, that he didn’t love me and, apparently, didn’t love me. It’s just not clear why he delayed it. Why didn’t I want to leave, even in the last minutes I was silent and did not give any answer on what to do. This is the ending.

It's good that I was mentally prepared. Relationships have been squeezing all the juice out of me lately, and it even seemed to me that breaking up was the best way out. Before test-antibiotic.com, I began to devote more time to my friends, trying to renewcommunication (although with the opposite sex it came to naught, since my boyfriend controlled it, monitored my social circle, and I myself didn’t want to communicate with other guys at all).

1.5 months have passed since the breakup. There are some of his things at home, I wear the bracelet that he gave me for my birthday, and I constantly find some photographs. There are many mutual friends. From them I learned that he slept with some girl at the dacha, an old friend. It's a nasty situation. Shepregnant , 4 months pregnant, was drunk. How one could even touch something like this, I don’t know. I found their photos. Terrible couple. But that's not the point. I try to let him go, no matter how much it hurts me. Honestly, I want to be with him, I want him to come back. But I understand that this won’t happen, and I don’t need such a person. I must respect myself. But I really miss it. There was no bad thing in our relationship, no scandals or anything like that. So, small quarrels, test-antibiotic.com and one major one, shortly before parting.

The problem is that I'm alone. Yes, I have a couple of friends, but I spend so little time with them. There are exams in 2 weeks, I try to go deeper, but it doesn’t always work out. Thank God it supportsfamily is the most important thing. I tried to communicate with other young people. You know, it was possible to switch to one boy, it was pleasant to communicate with him, something might even have worked out. But communication somehow disappeared on its own. Even this fact upset me. I thought about writing myself, offering to meet, but I changed my mind. I don't want to impose.

I would really like to start a relationship. It's so hard for me. I want to switch. But just no one. And the feeling is that I don’t need this. I can’t trust it, too little time has passed. But I don’t want to suffer either. Sometimes I think about how I can build a relationship? I have completely lost faith in them, I’m afraid to fall in love and become attached. You see, the last attempt to switch was unsuccessful.

I'm so confused. I'm driving myself into depression. I feel useless and lonely. Then I remember that test-antibiotic.com I have exams and admission in 2 weeks and my mood generally becomes “even better.” How should I behave?