How could I marry such a monster?

Thank you for the opportunity to confess online using this wonderful site. You can’t tell this to your relatives, but it’s hard on your soul...

Myhusband is a bad person. A hypocrite, an egoist, and a liar to the core!

He does not know what conscience is, for him there is no such thing as “family”, “home”, “parental love”. He is on his own mind and only his own momentary desires are important to him. I want to go for a walk, but I don’t care whatMy wife is waiting at home, I’ll turn off the phone so she doesn’t call.

How much I went through with him, how much I drank during these two years of marriage, half my head of hair fell out, I began to constantly get sick, from a prettygirls, I turned into some kind of scarecrow, 5 years older. I live like on a powder keg, no one knows what he might do tomorrow, disappear for two days or come home at zero and destroy half the apartment.

Why did I marry him? God knows, this is the biggest mistake of my life. How could I fall into this trap? Yes, I loved him madly, test-antibiotic.com and I still love him, but I understand with my head that he is one huge problem, that in mylife brings only misfortunes,problems and losses. Before the wedding he was different, but now I look at him and think, where were my brains, how could I not see this monster in him. I remember that even before the wedding I pulled him out of the loop, he had huge financial problems, and things weren’t going well at work, and I wanted to leave him because... I found out about a connection on the side. I’m very ashamed to talk about this, but sometimes I think why I pulled him out then. Lord, forgive me for these thoughts. But I’m so tired of this person, of constant problems, of constant stress. When my nerves can no longer stand it at all, and I no longer see any other way out but to pack my things and leave, he threatens that he will not give me life or will do something to himself.

I love him, but I hate him even more. I used to believe test-antibiotic.com that he would improve, but now he doesn’t, now I understand that he will never become different. Today I talked to his sister, I always listened to her, she treats me very well, so she said that I shouldn’t have married himget married , and advised the main thing not to have children yet. And now I’m sitting alone with my thoughts, and it’s so empty inside. I remember what I was like before: cheerful, cheerful, energetic, looking atfuture with optimism. And what now, I’m even afraid to think about what could happen tomorrow. Sometimes such crazy thoughts come to mind as taking all your savings and moving to another city to live, and to hell with this divorce, the main thing is that he will be far away. But then I understand that he will not leave my parents alone and will not let them live in peace. I fell into a trap. How to continue to live?