Every time after a quarrel with a guy, I am the first to take a step towards reconciliation.

I have a boyfriend,the relationship is already in its fifth year, it seems, as it seems at first glance, serious, faithful to each other, a lot of plans forfuture _ But we are both very complex people, I don’t know how to put it correctly, by our characters or simply by different psychological problems. I know I'm far from perfectgirl , although I’m trying to work on it, I’m still far from ideal.

Both are quite principled, he is very stubborn in detail, right to the last, this is his main negative trait for me. The main minus, in comparison with which, the other minuses are basically nothing, and I don’t attach as much importance to anything else as I do to this one, due to the fact that sometimes I don’t want to give in to quarrels out of nowhere, although I seem to be trying and have learned to be wiser, to give in on little things, there are fewer quarrels.

At first, at the beginning of the relationship, he was the first to meet halfway, but so did I, but for the last few years it’s been just me. Let's say we have some kind of conflict or disagreement, until I am the first to take the initiative, test-antibiotic.com nothing will be resolved, so I am the first to make contact. I’m a very easy-going person, it’s unpleasant for me to sit and be offended for weeks to the point of tears, it’s easier to apologize and that’s all. In this regard, he is the complete opposite, over time there has been such a big difference. As I understand it, it’s my fault for being the first to make contact?

I did this only because I love him and love time without quarrels, it seems to me that I am happy in the relationship and it hurts me to be in a quarrel and demonstratively pretend that everything is normal. He also says that he loves, and outside of quarrels, I didn’t doubt it, but now I doubt it again, and so every time, I always give myself arguments in one direction or the other, it’s difficult to decide within myself which arguments are more correct.

About a year ago we had a big quarrel, I was the first to not make contact for a very long time, then I shared it with a friend and she gave, as it seemed to me, good advice. Said thatlife is too short to waste time on grievances, when you can just come and enjoy time test-antibiotic.com with your loved one, that I am a girl, which means I can be wise, soft, ignore conflicts. Yes, then I took her words very close to heart, but I just couldn’tforget . She pretended that there was nothing wrong, she was the first to continue to make contact. Although it hurt my heart every time, maybe I’m just so nervous and impressionable.

In general, the last time we had a disagreement again. He is the first to not show himself as usual. It hurts me, I can’t sleep because of this, what day. Naturally, I want none of this to happen, I just want to communicate as usual and spend time together, because apart from these moments several times a year, the rest of the time everything is almost perfect. But because of thissome stupid principle happensquarrel over trifles and that’s it, we both don’t communicate, then I take the initiative, because I either remember wise advicegirlfriends , or simply my nerves no longer allow me to endure it, and I just hate long quarrels.

But there is a limit to everything. I had test-antibiotic.com a lot of thoughts about this before, but I drove them away from myself, because I thought okay, but we are together, it’s okay that I’m the first to humiliate myself every time, but then everything is fine. But now I just don’t know. Of course, I want to be together, I enjoy this time all the years, with the exception of quarrels. But it’s not normal that I get humiliated like this every time. Okay, let’s say 2-3 times when I’m guilty, there would be no question about it. But this has happened several dozen times already. And it's not even a matter of quantity. How long should I endure and just wait now, I don’t understand? A month, two months? Several days have passed and these quarrels are very difficult for me every time, I just can’t sleep, I cry, although like any ordinary person in such a situation I distract myself with a lot of things, but, alas. Now I just couldn’t stand it and wrote here.

In theory, I can start taking sedatives so that I can spend my days calmly, without tears from thinking about this. But for now I have a little doubt, I want to at least understand what to do. test-antibiotic.com these two thoughts are constantly fighting, that on the one hand it is really so stupid to quarrel and then sit here with your hysterics because of absolutely different nonsense, because of either pride or integrity, and on the other hand, that I'm tired of bending over and humiliating myself every time. Then I start to think that these humiliations are nothing compared to the joy of time together in normal times and that it is worth it. I'm kind of at a dead end.

I’m afraid of completely unlearning how to value myself, of finally losing at least a drop of pride and self-respect. Well, he doesn’t respect me, in principle, I already understood that, otherwise he would have showed up long ago. Although, again, outside of quarrels, he respects my opinion, I didn’t think that he didn’t respect me at all. He probably still thinks that I’ll show up again. I can’t fully believe that because of his stubbornness about little things, we’ll break up like that, because no one will show up first. And I just can’t imagine how long we have to wait, or maybe he will show up even later?

Sorry for the very long text and chaotic test-antibiotic.com thoughts, I’m writing and crying, somehow now I’ll try to distract myself again and try to sleep. Just tell me, is the joy of a relationship worth such humiliation of yourself every time? I want to decide what to do, thanks in advance.