Love life in all its manifestations

I want to tell you about how I divided mylife in two parts. I was 24 then, I haddaughter of three years old, wasa guy with whom I lived for 3 years, but did not love him. He was a very good person: he did everything for me, he didn’t refuse me anything, but I was like thatthe man was not needed. We women like it when we are tormented. By nature he was very calm, quiet, even a little timid, and even smaller than me. One day I honestly told him that I didn’t love him and couldn’t live with him. But you know, we are all selfish, that is, when a person really loves unselfishly, he will say: you know, I love you so much, so I’m letting you go, since you feel bad with me. But in reality: be with me, please don’t leave me, I’ll feel bad. A strong person who can just let you go, but there are few of them. In general, we broke up.

Then I met my future husband. He was what I had always dreamed of test-antibiotic.com: strong, courageous, and even a military man. I was afraid of him, I couldn’t utter a word, my hands were shaking, I blushed at every word, I was a very modest girl. Then I thought that this was very bad and that he would not love me like that. At that time I had tranquilizer pills and before meeting him I took a pill. This made me relaxed, uninhibited, I didn’t blush and could communicate freely. He recognized me just like that, but in my heart I felt differently. This lasted for two months, I was on pills. In my heart I understood that I was playing some kind of double game.

We got married, after 3 months I became pregnant (then I no longer took the pills). But still, some kind of deception remained in my soul, I had a feeling that he perceived me not at all the way I felt inside, but saw in me that person: a liberated, brave other, but not me. I got carried away, I created my second personality.

After giving birth I starteddepression ,my husband was a stranger to me, test-antibiotic.com eventhe son seemed a stranger, I felt deception all around,lies , games. And then I realized what I had done to myself, I learned what depression is: you no longer need anything, everything that interested you, even your husband and children, is scary. I got what I was looking for, but which, as it turned out, I didn’t need.

So I lived, having 2 personalities. When my husband looked at me, I could no longer determine who I really was. I became a stranger to myself, I was scared to look at myself in the mirror, from there a stranger was looking at me.

But my husband turned out to be no gift either. He was jealous, cruel, I could not take a step without his knowledge. The man is very domineering, intractable, difficult. I was helpless, dependent, I couldn’t buy anything for myself without his control and approval. I developed phobias, I was afraid of people, I couldn’t communicate calmly, I was afraid to go out, I was afraid to be alone at home and even to be alone with myself. It's a miracle that I didn't end up in a mental hospital.

We test-antibiotic.com were together for 6 years when I left him. Now, without him, I have also been alone for 6 years with my beloved son. I love him. ANDMy daughter is smart and beautiful, I am proud of my children. I’m still coming to my senses, but I feel like a completely happy person. That man beforehusband , he was too good, he could not give me this knowledge that I had to learn to pull myself out of this hole. I now understand that only a person like my husband could help me in my suffering. Because, unfortunately, we learn through suffering, and until we fully feel the weight of our cross, we will not begin to think at all. So we will swim in search of happiness, like blind kittens in the vast ocean of life.

Only now I understand that heI needed experience . Now I am completely different, I have learned so much about life, I have learned to enjoy every blade of grass, to appreciate every moment, to enjoy even the bad, I have learned to forgive, to see both the bad and the good in people, I have learned the meaning of test-antibiotic.com life, and this is worth a lot.

And I don't regret anything. This means that life could not force me to start thinking differently. Never regret anything, accept everything in your life - it is too short and too beautiful to waste it on self-torture. Live now, enjoying every second, love life with all your heart and it will answer you in kind. And trust her, she knows what you need.