Love from boredom and loneliness

I’ll say right away that I don’t expect any help or relief, since I simply don’t believe that it will get easier. I just wanted to tell my story to at least someone, even strangers. I just don’t have the strength to keep everything to myself, and there’s no one to tell, and the point is not that I don’t have friends or parents, but that in my life I’ve never told anyone about what’s going on in my soul.

I am 29 years old and I was single for a long time, but she appeared for a couple of months (the one that I thought I had been waiting for all years, and completely broke me). From 17 to 24 years old, I was on and off with one girl (the article is not about her, I mention her so that you understand that I was alone for quite a long time, perhaps this is one of the reasons why I am in so much pain now). Everything was great, and then somehow it didn’t work out, I broke up with her and that’s it. I didn’t have anyone else until I was 28.

No, of course test-antibiotic.com I sometimes went on dates, I have enough girlfriends, andgirls, in principle, were always drawn to me (I’m good-looking, but it so happened that not a single one could fall into my soul). I invited people on dates, gave gifts, in general, I courted in every possible way those whom I initially liked outwardly, but everything was not the same. I didn’t want to see anyone like a girl next to me, everyone was kind of boring or something, it was just not interesting to be with them. And then she appeared, the one with whom it was not boring. Once again I’ll step back a little so that the whole picture is clear.

At the age of 28 I developed serioushealth problems and I had to have an operation, after which I was forced to spend several months at home (I don’t see the point in telling the details, just accept it as it is). Having nothing to do, I read a lot, watched, listened to everything and in the end, when I got bored with everything in the world and terribly wanted more communication (of course, my friends didn’t abandon me, but most of the time test-antibiotic.com I was alone). I started communicating with different people online, and that’s where I met her (let’s call her Nastya) and off we went. She had and still hasguy , but sinceShe didn’t have a good relationship with him then, so she was looking for communication on the side, so she found me. At first I wasn't very interested in her,girl and girl, and even “not alive”communication , she has a boyfriend, she is from another city.

In short, I just talked to her as if I were a friend or an acquaintance, so one month passed, then another, and the more, the more open we were with each other, we could sit all night talking about everything, I have never spoken with such interest before with the girl, I don’t know, it’s like there’s something in her that others don’t have. But from the very beginning she behaved somehow strangely (in a good way) openly, even brazenly, directly, and despite my reticence in such matters, I also opened up to her, told her everything that worried me test-antibiotic.com and what do I want. Now it’s difficult for me to convey how fantastic it was then, it just seemed like I had found my soul mate. The further we went, the more frank our conversations were, we could discuss anyquestion and topic, they behaved absolutely openly with each other, I still don’t understand how she managed to bewitch me so much, probably her behavior, this care and tenderness, some kind of strangeness in her was what I was missing so much .

We practically fell in love with each other, or at least strong mutual sympathy, we planned how she would come to me (and I secretly planned how I would come to her), maybe this played a role. I didn’t look at everything with a naive look, if I were 16 years old I would have thought that suchlove and moving from another city is not realistic, but now I’m 29, financially secure and ready to organize everything for us. It was around here that the first problems began, and herattitude towards me. The point is that two people were looking for communication with at least someone, test-antibiotic.com and one was simply out of boredom, to escape from problems with his boyfriend. We met and became very close. I understand perfectly well that in this whole situation the only loser is me, I knew that she had a boyfriend and that for her (in the beginning, at least) I was just a person from the outside with whom she could have a heart-to-heart talk, but in the end this almost led to a full-fledged relationship. I thought something like this: “she will break up with her boyfriend, move in with me and everything will be great.” And then it began.

No, don’t think about it, I didn’t press or ask anything, I probably wanted her so much that I subconsciously erased her boyfriend from my mind, as if he didn’t exist. At some point, she simply stopped talking to me as before. You know, when two people love each other and all that, and at some point one of them became completely cold and simply ignores the other, that’s pretty much what happened. I’m even somehow ashamed to write about this, I see how idiotic I am in this whole test-antibiotic.com situation, but what can I do with my heart? fell in love like a boy. In general, this lasted about a month, I kept worrying and suffering because of her attitude towards me, until a turning point came and due to my illness, I had to have the operation again, and she didn’t even bother to just write or ask me how everything went and how I feel. It’s not that I want pity, I just want attention from a dear person, but she is silent and ignores. If she had adequately called me and said: “We have become close, butmy boyfriend came back and I gave him another chance.” I probably would have understood everything and somehow gotten over it, but instead (as I later found out through our mutual friends) she was having fun with completely different guys.

To say that I was shocked is an understatement. How so? Why? For what? I feel simply disgusting, as if I had been betrayed, and betrayed by a person to whom I was unusually so strongly attached, I have never had such feelings test-antibiotic.com, what a mockery of the gods this whole story looks like. Who did I fall in love with? Into an illusion? In our sweet conversations? Why did she treat me so meanly? Naturally, as a person I am hot-tempered and with a feeling of pride I said that she is simply low, I will not forgive this, she is a traitor and in response she simply crossed me out of her life, without even trying to explain or discuss anything, and continues to have fun as if there was nothing and there wasn't.

Or maybe it wasn’t, for her it was just a game? Then I don’t know how to play, and what kind of game is this with other people’s feelings? Why now, after everything, it’s me who feels bad, sad and frankly hurts, and not her? What should I do now, because fate has wonderfully “rewarded” me with imprisonment within 4 walls for several more months, and I don’t even have anyone to talk to, I’m sitting and just frankly bored. Drink? No, I won’t drink because of the meanness of other people, but it doesn’t get any easier, I want to be distracted and feel nothing, tears well up when I think about her, and test-antibiotic.com I can only think about her for the next couple of months and I have to, how can I not go crazy now? Scary and sad, I don’t know what to do. It seems like an adult, why did I fall so much in love with a man whom I had never even seen in person. What is wrong with me?