Mom never loved me, and now it's mutual

There was an article about a difficult relationship with my mother. And some compassionate young lady commented that no, there are no such mothers and that’s all. I want to answer. There are. There are even cooler ones.

For 10 of my conscious years (from 6 to 17, until I left home)every day mineMom told me that I was an accidental result of her and Dad’s latest reconciliation. And that if I had not been born, then maybe their life would have worked out, but I ruined everything. That my hands are not from the right place and when I grow up, I will die of hunger under the fence, and before that I will definitely be “torn apart and thrown out” - this is on the topic of sex education. That I should have hit my head on a corner when I was a child, that compared to my sister I have no face and no brains. And this is every day. Once, when I was 8 years old, I combed my cat with her comb. And she noticed. She beat me with a belt until she cut the skin on my head with an iron plaque, and only when test-antibiotic.com saw the blood did she calm down and leave. It was just the two of us. Dad leftmy sister left. Any of my undertakings and desires were rejected in their infancy, or ridiculed as abnormal.

All my life I tried to please her - I graduated from school with a gold medal, I entered a prestigious university myself for free education, to become a psychologist. I tried to understand why she doesn’t love me so much. Failed. Once I asked directly: “Do you love me?” - she said: “children should not be loved, but raised” - then I was 23 years old. At first I came often, then less and less, the mainthe question that bothers memother - notam I pregnant , and the correct answer is “no, mom.” I am 31 years old and my main parting word from school to this day: “just don’t get pregnant, because you will suffer all your life, like I did with you.” I’ll answer right away that I don’t have any physical or mental defects, I’ve never asked for money, I’m on friendly terms with the law, I don’t abuse any means, so the concept of “suffering with me” in this case is subjective and figurative.

In test-antibiotic.com our rare meetings, when I tried to talk with my mother about family, my own, she laughed and repeated: “here’s my mother’s word for you, you won’t have a family, YOU WILL NOT!” - there was a special categorical intonation to which I never had an answer. I still went outmarried , lived with my husband for 3 months. And he left. To another country. Mom said: “If you leave me, then my word will reach you across the ocean, and you will shed tears every day.” And when I stayed, she switched from the already boring: “I told you so,” to the new: “even he couldn’t stand you.” My mother never told me that she loved me. NEVER. I didn’t say that I could do something, that I was good at something, that I did it well, that I was good, beautiful, etc. I barely persuaded her to come to the graduation ceremony; I wanted her to finally understand that she could be proud of me. She said that I was great, but it was time for her to go home, the chickens there weren’t fed.

Now I'm 31 years old. My biggest fear is getting pregnant. Daughter. My biggest fear is test-antibiotic.com ruining her life. I won’t say that I don’t like children, but I feel like a broken robot who is dangerous to trust with a new life. I feltself love . Sincere, caring, reckless. I am grateful to those who gave and continue to give me such love. But a man's love cannot replace a mother's love. But she doesn’t love me, and this is already mutual.