My boyfriend knows I don't love him but he won't leave

I'm stuck in the past. 2.5 years have passed and I still can’tforget this person, even though I finally have new onesrelationship , although I understand that in such a situation it is easier to be alone than to torment both myself and the person for whom I am responsible, my current boyfriend.

Soon I will be 19 years old, it all started when we were 16 years old, I know that age is funny, but I am also a person and no matter how old I am, I also have feelings. My exthe guy always paid attention to me, only I turned my nose up, somehow I didn’t care about him, but after about 10 months, I realized that I fell in love with him. From that moment our relationship began, everything was fine, I was so happy that I can’t even express it in words. Histhe attitude towards me, the behavior, the words were so pleasant. He said that he wanted to be with me all his life, not to part with me even for a minute, that he had never experienced such feelings for anyone, that I was the first one with whom he wanted to be constantly close to test-antibiotic.com, that he was in love with me ! Although, in essence, he is a womanizer, and it was unusual to hear such a thing from him. It seems to me that I just didn’t know him completely, when we started dating, many people said and asked how fate connected me with him, whether I was sure that I wanted to be with him. In a word, they warned and hoped that he would change with me. In general, I didn’t understand what he was talking about, he treated me very well, and somehow I didn’t take these words to heart. But 1.5 months passed, and coldness began on his part,indifference . He suggested breaking up and found a reason.

Distance, we had to go to different countries. I understand that it’s difficult at a distance, but when you love it’s not so scary. In general, we broke up, it was very difficult to see himevery day, I somehow couldn’t even believe it, accept it, there was a feeling that it wasn’t the end yet, and I wasn’t mistaken. A week later, he wrote that test-antibiotic.com could not live without me, that it was difficult for him to see me, he said what an idiot he was, he came with a bouquet of flowers to ask for forgiveness, he said a lot, and I forgave him. I thought everything would change, stupid. Then everything was repeated as the first time, he did the same and asked for a “petition” in the same way, only each time his words were much stronger, he said that he loved me, in general, he said a lot, it’s difficult to remember. Most likely, this swing would have been repeated until now if I had not had a boyfriend. I understand perfectly well what a rotten person he is, that he simply took advantage of me. I consider myself guilty, I taught him and allowed him to treat me this way. I have no excuses, even though that I loved him and continue to love him the same way. I’m trying to forget him, but the questions still hang in my head: “Why did he do this?”, “Did he really have no feelings at all and everything was thought out from the beginning?”

I want to know the truth that torments me to this day. Yes, I tried to talk to him, but he test-antibiotic.com always avoids it, there is always this uncertainty. He says that I am not a stranger to him, so why did he do this to me? He says I don’t deserve to suffer, so why did he hurt me so much? It is very difficult to forget his family, which I loved so much and most importantly mutually. It's hard to let go of all his plans forfuture associated with me. He and I are similar, looking at myself, I see him. It's hard for me to delete photos, messages, and when I just try not to think about him in general, I start to dream about him. The way he kisses me, his breath on my neck, his hugs. I wake up and start thinking about him, remembering everything, stressing myself out again. Because of this, I am afraid of losing my current boyfriend, who looks after me, gives me gifts, flowers, and most importantly, his attitude towards me, his actions. He is realman , he loves me, but I still can’t reciprocate and I don’t know if I can. He knows my whole situation and understands me, but he won’t wait forever for me to let go of the past, test-antibiotic.com. The funny thing is that they even have the same name. I feel like this karma is following me, even though I haven’t done anything bad in my life. Maybe I just created this problem myself? The text cannot convey all my emotions, it seems that my loved ones do not understand in general how difficult it is for me, they did not experience all this. They don’t know what it’s like when someone throws a knife in your back a hundred times, and you forgive because you love. I’m a stupid, little naive girl, I can’t help myself, and even if I want to, it still doesn’t work out.

I still continue to love him and feel that he is my person, and in this way I am deceiving my current boyfriend. Maybe I need to see a psychologist, go to appointments, tell everything completely, with all my feelings and emotions, and he will help me free myself, because in these 2.5 years, I’m not sure that I can handle it myself. Maybe I shouldn't have started a new relationship? As they say: “Wedge is knocked out with wedge,” but I no longer believe in this phrase. During this time test-antibiotic.com I made a lot of mistakes, trying to free myself from my addiction, I thought it would work, but it was all in vain. What scares me is that I'm not afraidto be left alone . And in general, there are many questions spinning in my head that I myself cannot answer.

Maybe I should still talk to my ex-boyfriend? Or is this a bad idea?