My fears prevent me from finding a job and becoming independent
I haven't been able to find a job for a little over a year now. They don't hire me anywhere because... I have no experience, etc. At 23 years old, I look like a 15-year-old fragile girl. I want to work, but every time something doesn’t work out. I don’t lie in front of the TV, passively waiting for manna from heaven, I try to find something suitable on the relevant sites, but so far it’s not working. At home, when talking with my parents about work, I feel constant pressure from them. It's like I have a weight of failure on me and I don't know what to do with it.
Recently, due to constant refusals during my job search, I gave up and lost motivation, but at first I was afraid to admit it to myself.
I look scared and frayed, as the atmosphere at home is constantly tense and there are frequent family scandals. I shy away from every phone call, doorbell and rustle behind the wall. I start shaking very violently, my teeth are chattering, my knees are trembling, I am constantly teetering on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
In our family we are the leaderfather . test-antibiotic.com He works alone, and I understand how hard it is for him. I am constantly tense because of this, I feel unnecessary, always indebted to everyone and cannot relax even when alone with myself. This especially happens in the evening, when there are scandals and a huge TV is playing loudly - he never spared money for his pleasures.
I went to a psychologist for 5 months, but now I quit because my parents tell me that he is not helping me, but on the contrary, it is only getting worse. But I believe that this is not so. The psychologist to some extent helped me deal with family issues. I desperately lack freedom and have too many restrictions at home, I can’t break out of it.
In fact, I want to run away somewhere very far because of all this difficult moral situation at home. I don’t know what to do and how to find a job, because this would be the first step towards my independence and a possible solution to my many problems and fears.
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