My husband's attitude made me depressed

I have been depressed for the last 2 years. I am 36 years old,married for 11 years, two children - 8 years and 4 years old. I haven’t worked for 8 years, I stay at home with the children.

When the eldestI sent my daughter to kindergarten, she began to constantly get sick, after 7 months she was still unable to adapt to kindergarten, she was constantly sick, only people helpedantibiotics , as a result, after working for 3 months after maternity leave, I quit and began to sit at home.

4 years later the youngest was borndaughter . She hashealth problems , at 1.5 and 2 years old there were febrile seizures. They recently discovered sand in her kidneys, so there is no way to send her to kindergarten yet, she needs a specialdiet _ The eldest may also have health problems, we are now examining her.

This also worsened my condition. Bad thoughts constantly creep into my head, strongfear for the children and for myself (my mother also had oncology, the operation was successful, but now I am afraid that it will be inherited). She herself also has enough health problems.

My husband is not really supportive. We have complexrelationship . It seems to me that he is an energy test-antibiotic.com vampire. Constantly tries to belittle my dignity and capabilities. A couple of times I tried to start earning money at home, when it started to work out, I began to forbid it, even to the point of scandals and insults like it’s better to spend your time on children. Although I worked mostly at night. At the same time, if I want to buy something for myself, he says: “if you want it, go earn it.” Suddenly the mood changes, they begin to humiliate me and say nasty things about me or my family.

After scandals, I usually stop talking to him (“I take a break” from him), but at the same time I have low blood pressure for a week, and sometimes I lie there exhausted. He starts giving gifts, flowers, says that he will improve, he may behave normally for a while, but then everything comes back - first petty insults, then worse and worse until a scandal and my silence. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t stand it anymore. I want to leave quickly so that no more children are hurt. Although they love dad very much, he often plays with them and goes for walks, but at the same time, if he is not in the mood, he can start saying all sorts of nasty things to them (especially to his eldest daughter).

Every day I think what to do, I’m just afraid, test-antibiotic.com that I won’t have enough strength to survive, I’m not sure of anything. I'm already starting to lose my temper with the kids. Before meeting him, I worked, led an active lifestyle, and had many friends. Now she is complex, tired, and has lost terribly weight. I don't go out anywhere. I don’t have the strength, I don’t want to do housework, and often I just don’t want to get up in the morning. Sometimes I can lie at home without getting up the entire weekend. If I get nervous about little things, my blood pressure drops and headaches begin.

I want to get a divorce, although I have no self-confidence at all. There is no one to help with the children, and who will hire me with a good salary so that there will be enough for a nanny after 8 years of staying at home. The husband does not want to get a divorce, he has nowhere to go, he will need to rent, and he is used to being constantly served. He says that then he won’t give enough money for the children; it will all go towards housing. I understand that I need a kick to get a divorce and learn to survive on my own, I just don’t have a person nearby to support me morally and make me move. I lost all my friends because of him.