I can’t come to my senses after the betrayal of the man I love

At the age of 24 I met myLove . He was married. I knew about this. He was my first and only man.

Since I knew the whole truth about him, when I felt that he wanted to disappear from my life, I let him go, did not call him and did not show up at all, although I thought about himevery day . After 9 months he appeared again. Myself. My wife and I, as I understand it, had theserelationship , did she kick him out periodically, or did he leave on his own. It was during one of these periods that he appeared. Somehow everything started to spin, he suggested living together. I was so in love that I didn’t care about everything: the fact that he was legally married and had no intention of getting a divorce, the fact that his relatives were hostile to me. I was just happy with him.

At first everything was fine. Over time, his parents accepted me, and I also found a common language with his relatives. He has a marriagechild - I have always been for test-antibiotic.comcommunication with the child, tried to buy gifts, of course, it was not said that it was from me.

Then he started having difficulties with work. I changed jobs, but he hadloan , it became difficult to pay it off. His parents helped, gave part of the money to close his loan, and to close the rest, they took out a loan in my name on more favorable terms.

While I was living happily in love, I didn’t notice that he periodically did not come to spend the night, hiding behind the fact that he was with friends, pays less than half of its cost for a rented apartment, does not give money forfood and household chemicals, while requiring food to be prepared and laundry to be done at all times.

And then the everyday pressure began - I didn’t do the laundry on time, or didn’t prepare food. And in general there were a lot of offensive actions on his part, to which I tried to turn a blind eye. It was as if he began to avoid me. It got to the point that when he went on a business trip, he didn’t pick up the phone. Then he arrived, went home when I was not there, and disappeared somewhere.

Then on social media. I saw test-antibiotic.com networksThe girls took photos of them together, and so I found out that they went on a business trip together, and then went to their mother-in-law.

I just can't understand how you can do this? We never fought with him. While I worked two jobs to pay the rent and mortgage, he had fun. Regarding the loan, he has this attitude: I don’t refuse to pay, but I don’t promise that I will always pay on time. He does not communicate with his relatives now and spends very little time with his son. We said a lot of nasty things to each other. What offended me the most was that he said that he never intended to marry me, and all these 3 years I was only his mistress, and all the time we lived together he cheated on me.

That’s how I was left with a loan, running from one job to another to pay for the apartment and the loan, but I couldn’t afford much. There is no strength, I am completely exhausted mentally and physically. I just don't want to live. I thought test-antibiotic.com that I hadfamily , dreamed of children. I always thought that we would overcome financial difficulties together and everything would be fine. And they just took advantage of me and abandoned me.

I understand that after this I will neverI can’t forgive , but at the same time I don’t want to see anyone else next to me. Afraidto stay alone , I’m afraid that I won’t be able to let anyone near me anymore. Very disappointing. I tried with all my might to make sure everything was fine with us, to live by it alone. I understand that everything is neededforget and let him go, but I can’t. Every morning I wake up with thoughts and speechlessness. It's simply unbearable.