I can't forgive myself for my silence

I was born into a good and friendly family. She is not big -mom , dad, little sister, aunt, and my cousinBrother . I will not mention grandparents, since this is not about them. Although I love them very much.

Becausemy father is in the military, we had to travel around the country. But finally we returned to Moscow. Actually, this is where it all started.

When I was 11 years old, my parents gave birth to a younger sister. At that time I was a real selfish person and of course I didn’t want her. Now I love her so much that there are no words to describe this feeling. I'm readyto give his life for her. She is my everything.

Now she is already 14 years old, and I am 25. And I know for sure, no matter how much time passes, she will always be my little younger sister for me. The one I love more than anything in the world.

It all started with my high school prom. The next day I entered adult reality. I enteredhoney ​Academy. The friends went their separate ways.

And then I fell in love. I fell in love with test-antibiotic.com so much that after the second year I left the academy, we rented an apartment, and I left home. There was a lot of things, scandals and swearing, but my parents never abandoned me. Mom always helped. Then she gave me an apartment and generally did a lot of things.

I went to work with my father. There I learned that he had had many mistresses for a long time. Mom knew and endured. At the moment there wasthe girl he's been with for a year now. She worked for her father as a financial director.

Naturally,money , restaurants, expensive clothes, holidays abroad. I saw all this for 5 years and was silent. Mymy sister also knew all this and was also silent.

Then my father and that woman gave birth todaughter . He lived either with her or at home with his mother, and we all pretended that everything was normal, that everything was fine. If only we knew where all this would lead!

I must say that my mother is an amazing person. She has her own business. She looks great. She's a real mom. Sometimes it seems to me that I am not test-antibiotic.com worthy of such a mother. I hurt her so much.

This whole circus lasted 6 years. My father lived either with my mother or with my mistress. Mom knew everything (except the child). The whole city knew what it was, but everyone was silent. We pretended to be a family. It all ended last year. My father lost his business, lost everything. Still owed. Hishis mistress naturally abandoned him. He became nobody.

My father was holed up in another city. Mom sent him money. I ran around looking for lawyers. I went to investigators and gave evidence. It was terrible. Before the New Year, my mother found out everything that had happened all these 6 years. I found out about the child. Dad's mistress herself told her.

Mom was crying and didn’t want to talk to me. She said that my sister and I betrayed her. To be honest, I didn't want to live. I myself allowed everything to happen, although I could have stopped everything in the bud. Of course, like a real mother, she forgave us. I forgave my father too. Although, probably, deep down she holds a grudge against him.

Now I'm 25 years old. My boyfriend and I test-antibiotic.com still live together. I do not love him. I don't want children from him. I do not want anything. But I’m afraid to betray him, like I once betrayed my mother. I became a friend to my father (although he used to brush me off, but at 21birthday gave me 21 lottery tickets, a person who had the opportunity to give me 21 cars!).

He constantly complains to me that he feels bad and what should he do. And I'm tired of calming him down. It's crazy hard. He doesn't care about my life. He only cares about his comfort. And then when he will have money again.

I'm tired of him. But this is my father and I can’t tell him anything. Maybe because that's how I was raised. Three months ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Everyone knows the reason that led to this. The father also knows, but everyone is silent.

My sister has something innate. Now they are deciding whether to have surgery or not. Auntie will also have surgery for the same reason as mom. But I live with someone I don’t love, I have no education, no friends.

I’m 25, test-antibiotic.com and many people don’t live in their entire lives what I lived in just 9 years. I can’t say that my father forced my sister and me to remain silent. We just didn't want to hurt mom.

I don't know how to live on. I'm confused.