Not everything can be forgiven

This happened when I was 11 years old, and my younger brother was 10. As a child, I did not understand and simply could not, due to my age, know some things. For me we had a happyfamily , everything is as it should be, loving dad,mother , grandparents. Both then and now I cannot understand why everything happened this way.

One day my mother simply did not return. She just didn't come home in the evening and that's all. The whole family searched for her for a long time; no one could believe that the young beautiful woman had just disappeared. I don’t remember exactly, but it seemed like there were searches for several months, and then they suddenly stopped, that was how it was for my brother and me, but in reality everything was a little different. But then the searches stopped, and the adults calmed down and somehow became gloomy, became more serious, or something.

But the strangest thing was something else: my grandmother, who had been worried and crying all this time, stopped crying and also became serious and gloomy, I could understand such a change in my grandfather, I could understandpain and silence about it from dad, but test-antibiotic.com grandma! I only realized her change many years later.

In the end, my brother and I had a hard time with everything, and we missed our mother greatly, but time dulls the pain and actually heals somewhat. Over time, for some reason I believed that something terrible happened to my mother, perhaps she was killed, and my father and relatives took pity on us and did not tell us the terrible truth. I wish I knew then how terrible the truth really was.

The first time the truth came out randomly. I was visitingfriends in another city, and just met my mother on the bus when we were going to the bus station. We saw each other, I wanted to say something, but I didn’t have time, my mother jumped out at the next stop and disappeared. To say that I was shocked is to say nothing.

Some time after that meeting, I decided to talk to my dad. I was 19 years old and I wanted to know the truth at all costs. But the conversation turned out strange, dad said that we haven’t had mom for a long time, and that woman was just like, we need everything test-antibiotic.comforget and move on. Of course, this answer did not suit me, and I tried to find the answers myself, and throughthe Internet , and through friends and relatives, but one way or another the answer was the same, just the wording was different - “we need to move on with our lives,” “we haven’t had our mother for a long time.” All this, plus childhood psychological trauma and childhood hopes, did not allow us to leave everything in the past and forget.

Thinking about everything, I pictured in my head more and more different versions of what could have happened, but none even came close to what actually happened. I knew one thing for sure, I really saw my mother, she recognized me. But there was something else that I understood subconsciously, but could not explain. I also knew that dad and family know the truth, but for some reason they don’t tell us. The truth came out a year later. My dear aunt came to see meMom’s sister , and we had a conversation in which they told me everything. Everything was as I remembered, but there was also something test-antibiotic.com we didn’t know. The search was stopped for a reason. Mom called her grandparents, and then her father, and told her that she would not return, that she had anotherlife that met its firstlove and wants to be happy, that it will be better for everyone. I was shocked! I couldn’t believe it, but my aunt handed me a piece of paper with the address and said that this was my mother’s address. I couldn’t believe it all until the very end, and decided to go to her.

I don’t know how to explain all the feelings that I experienced when I arrived and saw everything. Is it possible to describe in words the collapse of childhood dreams and dreams? Is it possible to describe in words how before your eyes the person whom you loved all your life, despite everything you waited for, turns into a monster. Everything turned out to be true. All this time, all these years, my mother lived her life, with her new family, with her new husband, that very first love, and two daughters from this marriage. We had no conversations, nothing, just silence, a long test-antibiotic.com long tense pause, and I left. I saw her, saw her frightened, bashful look, turned around and left.

Dad and family were right, we haven’t had a mother for a long time, in fact she never existed. This woman called me several times, tried to explain something, said that with age I would be able to understand her andforgive . But I couldn't. No, there is no anger, resentment or hatred in me, just emptiness and pain, which I was able to experience and forget, just like her. She doesn’t exist for me, I crossed out this person from my life forever. We have always had and still have a dad who loves us madly, we have grandparents, aunts and uncles, but mom...

It's just life, it happens. The only pity is that such people also exist and live happily, having neither conscience, nor soul, nor heart. But the rest is true, just life.