There is a lot of pain in my soul

My husband and I have been together for 14 years. We got married while still in college, very young. We had nothing, rented a room, then worked. Our relatives could not help us and we started everything from scratch.

The husband was very serious and purposeful, so his career took off sharply. I supported him in everything, was there in difficult times, put up with the fact that he was almost never at home and hoped that this was temporary. What is it,the husband will achieve certain successes and will be with his family more often.

What I dreamed about most was children. We started thinking about it when we just started working and took out a mortgage and an inexpensive car. For several years nothing worked, then miscarriages one after another, terrible despair, doctors, prayers, and finally, I became pregnant. I was so afraid, so shaking for the little creature inside me, however, even then a miracle did not happen. The son was very weak and died a month after giving birth. I almost went crazy. She didn’t want him to be buried, she begged him to stay. We have already bought a crib, a stroller, equipped a nursery, test-antibiotic.com came up with a name. The doctors said that I would no longer be able to have children, that this was my last attempt.

It was as if all this was not happening to me. I didn't know what to do next. I began to go to church more often, prayed and cried for a long time, hardly slept or ate. The husband became blacker than a cloud, and began to appear at home even less often. I suspected him of infidelity, I even saw unambiguous messages on the phone, and my acquaintances whispered behind my back, but I didn’t care about what was happening around me. I was in my grief, in my nightmare. I saw that my husband was also in pain, he also dreamed of a baby, we talked a lot about how it would be. How we will live, raise, play, walk together and now everything has ceased to make sense. I didn’t have the strength to talk to him, talk about my feelings, talk at all. It seemed to me that I died along with my baby. I went to work like a robot. She didn’t talk to anyone, avoided everyone. I plunged headlong into business, test-antibiotic applications. com and drawings. It calmed me down and helped me take my mind off heavy thoughts.

So my husband and I lived for another 3 years. The house became empty, I stopped cooking and trying to maintain comfort. We both almost stopped visiting the apartment. We barely communicated, we slept in different rooms. We didn't try to discuss it, we just lived like strangers. He might not come home at night, and if at first I lost him, worried and called, then later this became the norm.

I don’t know what would have happened next, and how we would have lived, if I hadn’t met an old acquaintance at work. We had mutual sympathy before, but I met my husband and leftmarried _ And now old feelings have flared up again. We see each other, flirt, joke with each other. He invites me to the cinema, to a restaurant, to night walks. I feel like a student again. In love and free. We are both almost 40. He haswife , two children. He wants to talk to his wife and ask for a divorce. He says that everything is serious and he wants to make me happy. But I test-antibiotic.com dissuade him. I don't want them to fall apartfamily , although he assures that both he and his wife have long cooled off towards each other.

I just don’t believe that I can become happy again. Something broke inside me. And it can't be fixed. It’s like I exist, but I don’t live. I enjoy life, but I hardly feel it. Like in a dream. I think I'll just make him another unhappy person.

And my husband, why doesn’t he get a divorce? They never talked about it. The mortgage has been paid off a long time ago, we both have our own lives, but I can’t say that I don’t love her. I am still very attached to my husband. The memories of us, of our dreams, of what happened are warm. But there is also resentment inside for oneself, for the unlivedpain for being left alone with trouble without support.

I don’t know what to do and how to live further. I regret that I even started thisnovel _ You had to think with your head. I wanted too much to smile again, to love and be loved again. But it still turns out that all this is in vain.