It's very hard to be poor and lonely

I really need to tell someone everything, everything that prevents me from living a full life. AllThe problems started in childhood. Myfamily - dadmom ,sister _ Dad worked on the railroad, the job was good, but he was an alcoholic, drank, and went on binges. Mom walked with us, picked him up, and dragged him home.

My sister was an obedient child, silent and quiet. I was active, straightforward, but I was very kind andsympathetic , sister is quiet, two-personal and mean. Very often she snitched, slandered me, offended me, and did not love me.

Dad never beat my mother, but he insulted me very much, it was terrible to hear, and then I already knew what would never happen in my life. My sister was loved, but I was not. They called me a monkey and laughed at me like, at least you can read. I didn’t study very well, but now I understand that I had problems, I couldn’t and still can’t remember, I can’t cope with it. When my mother became pregnant with me, my father and grandmother told me not to take me away from the maternity hospital and even test-antibiotic.com went to the head doctor and said that we were leaving this child in the maternity hospital. But I was born exactly like my grandmother, well, one to one, and only because of this they took me away. In general, I live my whole life and know that they don’t love me.

I became incredibly scared to go to school, I felt very lonely and useless to anyone. No one ever came to visit us, we never celebrated birthdays, we never had money. Mom didn’t work, she took things from the house, dishes, in general, everything that was possible and sold them on the market at a flea market. We felt very bad and ashamed. Everyone around had parents who cared, tried, provided, and loved their children. Mom was offered so many different good jobs, but she didn’t take it; she was very lazy and wasn’t used to working for someone. We always wanted to eat, even now I have grown up and I always want to eat and I can’t get enough.

I remember how often when everyone fell asleep, I covered myself with a blanket and test-antibiotic.com cried so much, I didn’t know where so many tears were coming from, I was so scared, I was in such despair and depression all the time. This was a very difficult test for me, I dreamed of growing up and running away as quickly as possible, dreaming of a prince husband who would love me and take me. At 16, I started working in a bar as a waitress and rented a room with a girl. I met my husband, started living together, got married, I got pregnant, and he told me that he didn’t love me anymore, and we were getting a divorce! My daughter was 6 months old, there was a lot of resentment and humiliation.

I came home, my mother divided the shelves in the refrigerator, she is a very strong dictator, if something is not according to her, then we all cannot exist side by side. It was hell, I didn’t want to go home, I was like thisdepression that I was afraid to go out and talk to people. My sister gave birth to a daughter at 16, her mother raised her and naturally loved her, but not mine! My sister worked and fed her, and of course it was beneficial for my mother. Every time I entered the apartment with my daughter, I heard how much they test-antibiotic.com condemned me. There was nothing to feed my daughter, my friends and a smallhelp for the child, she was still very small, so I couldn’t work.

At 22 I met my second husband, his parents died when he was 14 years old, he grew up on his own, everything was also very difficult, I feel incredibly sorry for him, and I don’t know how he survived it all, there were a lot of trials. We lived in his house very poor, he loved me very much, accepted my daughter, but we lived poorly. Then he became very ill and almost died. We started going to church and God healed him. We left for another city and hell of all hells began. I immediately became pregnant, I had nowhere to live,my husband worked in construction, but they paid little, they sat on a bench or at the station with their daughter until 12, there was not a single soul they knew. We were taken straight from the street to the hospital because our daughter had a fever and a terrible stomach ache. The hospital said it was due to poor nutrition, and she still has problems with test-antibiotic.com!

Now IEvery day I repent that I am so guilty before her, I am very weak, I could not give her a good childhood, and the worst thing for me is that she remembers all this to the smallest detail. But I love her very much and we have very goodrelationships , she knows and understands everything! My husband is very illhealth , he could not work, his back hurt very much, and he was drooping. There isn't a day when he doesn't take pills. In general, we lived in different places, sometimes daily, sometimes not at home for a month, and was not registered for pregnancy. We didn’t even have money for a hospital, we barely had enough for food, and not always! Husbandvery purposeful, he always achieves what he wants, but, alas, 2 years ago we learned about his illness and that it was progressing and that there was no cure for it. Without him I am nobody and nothing. This man gave me and my daughter as much as my parents never gave me in their entire lives. Now he is getting test-antibiotic.com back on his feet, he has opened his own state of emergency, but he is sorely short of money. The worst thing is that health too! He says that he wants to leave us something to get us back on our feet. He's killing me with these words. My mother has a different faith; she has no one except God; she lives completely in her own world, and it seems to us that she has lost her mind. Two months ago she told me to get out of her life, it was so emotionalpain , such a blow, she said that we have a different understanding of love, that sinners like me will not be in heaven, and that I am a child of Satan. She has given me nothing in my life except hatred, she is very cynical and cruel.

We were borndaughtergeneral, difficulties did not go away. Imagine we are alone in a strange city, we have neither a mother nor a father, our daughters have neither grandparents nor grandparents, and it is such a horror when they ask, when they see how their grandmothers love. We are alone! My daughter turned one year old and we started going to the playground, where test-antibiotic.com met the mother and her child. I was so happy, I was so lonely and unbearably sad. We started walking with the children, visiting each other, and then another girl appeared, also with a child, and the three of us walked, but friendship did not work out, it’s difficult to describe everything, I will say that they are more suitable for each other, they acted very dishonestly towards to me. But the children were friends, and I wasn’t so lonely! Then their children became very friendly, and they began to openly chase away my daughter,

But the worst thing is that I don’t know what we should do now, we live in the same yard, my daughter is very bored and asks why Katya and Anya offend her, why they don’t love her, she cries so much, she’s five years old and she doesn’t have not a single friend. Tell me what should we do? What would you do in my situation? I can’t find a girlfriend for myself either! I really want test-antibiotic.com to have a real girlfriend, I am a very faithful and devoted person, but I can’t find anyone like me! Perhaps someone, like my family, needs friendship, support, etc.

Please advise me something. I don’t have the strength to live like this anymore and be so lonely! There is a family, but this is not enough, it is impossible to close yourself within four walls and not see anyone! We are modern and fun. I really need words that will support me.