Relationships with mother-in-law: what should they be like?

Imarried 3 years. Everything is fine with my husband, except for one “but” - hisMother . For some reason, she thinks that I should be a friend to her, share my experiences, ask for advice, discuss everythingproblems , talking on the phone with her for hours... In general, she is trying to become my second mother. But I don’t need all this. After all, I already have a mother and I don’t need another one. And, frankly, it irritates me that some strange woman is so brazenly trying to take my mother’s place.

No, I respect and value my mother-in-law as the person who raised myhusband and instilled in him a sense of respect for women close to him and for people in general, but I don’t understand why I should be secretive with her and love her? I myself am a closed person, I have been betrayed more than once in my life, so I cannot boast of having much trust in people.

The closest person to me is MOM. I can tell my mother everything and I know that no one else will know about it except her. Although I have nothing to hide, test-antibiotic.com is still a person who is not close in spirit and can elevate even ordinary everyday experiences to the level of tragedy, and this will make it worse for both the narrator and his loved ones. So my mother will never do that, I trust her more than myself. She lives in another city, and I live in Moscow. I work far from my place of residence, so I spend a total of 3 hours a day on the road: home-work-home. And the mother-in-law requires attention.

When I come home at 8-9 pm, it’s hard for me to say a word, I want to lie down and look at one point, I even force myself to take a shower. But you also need to feed your husband, prepare clothes for him for tomorrow, and devote time (you know why) to it. And my mother-in-law wants to talk to me on the phone every evening (fortunately, we don’t live together) and talk about neighbors, girlfriends, my husband’s second cousin and some other people whom I have never seen and are unlikely to ever see. At first I endured, listened, listened to what was said among other things.advice about test-antibiotic.com that I didn’t ask for, I listened to gossip about her friends, etc., and then I got tired of it. I realized that if I spend every evening like this, then at 25 I will turn into an old gossiping woman, and they will sit on my ears and never get off them. It’s a pity to waste precious time on empty chatter.

And over time, our conversations faded away. Now she complains that I don’t want to become close to her. Yes, I don't want to. Because I want to achieve career heights in life, I want to communicate with interesting people, I want to spend time with my husband. After all, I still have household chores to do and I also have to get myself in order. But with our Moscow rhythm there is not enough time for everything, and sometimes I simply do not have the strength and, I admit, the desire to chat on the phone for hours. In general, I rarely chat on the phone about anything, only about business, and all the chatter happens during a meeting, and then: not about neighbors, not about grandparents, sisters, aunts test-antibiotic.com, etc. I don’t like discussing people and I can’t listen when someone is being criticized in front of my eyes, and I, due to ignorance of the situation, sit like a fool, remain silent and think: they probably discuss me the same way at meetings with girlfriends...

In front of me personally, my mother-in-law blurted out in one breath all the information that we agreed with her not to tell anyone for the time being. They didn’t even ask her, she told everything herself. And when I asked: why? She replied: Well, I can’t do otherwise. So, it turns out, what should I talk to her about if our life principles do not coincide at all? If she has a dream:family is a full cup and work for the sake of work, and not for the sake of career, money and self-affirmation. I don’t want to choose between family and work, I can combine it and do it successfully. My husband also works a lot, so he doesn’t mind my being busy at all.

My husband, by the way, started working a lot quite recently, after years of my efforts to mold him into a breadwinner and not a mama’s boy. Beforebeer test-antibiotic.com at the entrances and work until 5 pm with a meager salary. My husband even likes my independence and focus on the long term, I see this, and in general, it seems to me that this is what hooked him on me.

But what about the mother-in-law? She just can’t calm down, I have a feeling that she’s already having a mania: to make me fall in love with her. She sends me chocolates, gifts, greetings. I feel very embarrassed, I quietly put them somewhere, and then either give them away to someone or quietly throw them away. I'm ashamed that I'm badwife , that I can’t love my husband’s mother, this makes it hard for my husband, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me either. I can’t look a person in the face, talk about love for her, and think myself: God, how tired of you, mother-in-law, I am. I'm really tired of all this.

Why not take everything as it is? What does it have to do with it?love between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Isn't just respect enough? Many mothers-in-law send messages in plain text, they completely refuse to communicate and turn their husbands against them, but I don’t do that! I test-antibiotic.com, on the contrary, inspire my husband that mom needs to help, give money, give gifts, take care, this is our responsibility, in the end. My husband often goes to see his mother alone, and I don’t mind at all. We also come to visit her for dinners together, I don’t contradict her, but I don’t say anything special about myself (I don’t want my words to be twisted and presented to my friends in a distorted form), but this makes her not see closeness in me and craving for her. I’m trying to explain to my husband that I respect your mother, we help her with money, and we give good gifts for the holidays, we don’t abandon her, we just have to have our ownlife , we are young, not pensioners. I just can’t tell my husband that I’m simply not interested in talking to her and I don’t know how to gossip. Now, if she were a good retired leader, I would sit and listen to her with my mouth open. I have always been interested in talking with people who have achieved something in life, like my mother, so that test-antibiotic.com can learn these wisdom from them, so that I can also try to achieve and do something big, and not knit socks and discuss whims neighbor's grandmother.

My mother-in-law also gets involved in our lives: she wants to participate in all the significant events of our little family. Well, she had her own family, why does she stop us from rejoicing together, it turns out that she is always like a third wheel. Sometimes it seems that a sense of tact is simply not characteristic of her. Maybe we should also invite her to hold a candle when we make love, otherwise, what if something doesn’t work out right for me, in her opinion? And he thinks I'm wrong. I don't know how to fix itrelationship , but I don’t want to bend and break under her either.

Tell me, am I really a bastard for treating my mother-in-law this way? But what's wrong with respect without love? And in general, how can you love several people at once? I love my mom, dad and husband, but I either respect the rest, have a neutral attitude, or don’t notice them at all. Please advise what should I do, how should I behave with her? Thanks in advance everyone!