The absence of my father in my life left its mark on my relationships with men.

My life story is probably typical, but I don't really know how to deal with it. It's all about men.

Every time I meet a man, I go through thick and thin. The fact is that since childhood I did not have a father, or rather he was, but not with me. He supportedrelationship typically coming, givingmoney 4 times a year. And every year, the more I grew older, I tried to push him away, but he kept trying to establish contact, but these attempts were not enough.

I have a stepbrotherbrother , who got everything just by asking, and when I asked to do something for me, it was mostly not done. I didn’t envy my brother, I only had a grudge against my father. After all, I tried so hard, but he didn’t seem to notice me. Even with age, I began to feel shy about him. And this matter took a completely different turn whenfather got sick.

He needed support, and I closed myself off from him in my world of grievances. Never did test-antibiotic.com think that my father’s illness could change me. I’m 15 years old, I get a phone call and information that he’s no longer there. The first year, as if in a fog, there was no awareness that he was gone, but the following years turned out to be torture. He’s been gone for 4 years now, but it’s hard for me to talk about him, because I’m likethe child acted, because if I had not been fixated on resentment, then I would have behaved differently, but he did not even understand how hard it was for me when they beat you at school.

I’m not a conflicted person, I just couldn’t stand up for myself, and in principle it’s difficult because it’s not fighting with girls, but with boys, and not with two, but with a group. Mom worked, and she had no time to come to the showdown, and in principle I understand her, it’s difficult to support a child alone. And I always had to get out of situations alone. Over time, I began to try to defend my interests, but then an incident occurred that closed me down. At the age of 11, my mother’s acquaintance test-antibiotic.com molested me, nothing happened, but it was very unpleasant.

In these moments, a father was needed, but he was not there. And everywhere I was alone and it was difficult to cope with it on my own. I, of course, told my mother about this situation with this friend, in response, he decided to meet me from school, it was notevery day , but very often. Are you tryingforget , but you live in fear that this situation may happen again. And this happened over the course of a year, maybe even more.

It seems like I let go of the situation, but every time another incident happens with men, it all rolls up into one lump. As happened once again. Typical relationship, but the man took advantage of my kindness to solve hisproblems and played on my feelings. This is not my first relationship and I understand that it will not be my last, but I am devastated. All this theater and coincidence of circumstances led to depression. I didn’t eat, I came home from work (I’m a teacher) and just lay down on the sofa and couldn’t get up. You seem to want to drink test-antibiotic.com plain water, but you can’t even get up. Afterdepression hit me from a different angle and mymy health began to fail, fainting and severe weight loss began. I understood that this was the bottom and if I didn’t get out, then what I didn’t want for myself and others would happen. I bought a sedative and tried to go somewhere on the weekend so as not to be alone.

The depression gradually went away, but sometimes small relapses come with the appearance of this person in my life. After all, he doesn’t know how much work it is for me to find and communicate with men, and in every relationship I break myself, but few people appreciate it! In general, I’m terribly tired, I seem to want to be alone, but on the other hand I want to find a shoulder that I haven’t had all my life (except for my mother, of course).

But what I want to note is that my father is far from ideal, but neither am I, looking at the situation, and there is no ideal, but I love him and accept him as such, because we don’t choose our parents and I miss him terribly test-antibiotic.com on it. If he used to be a father to me, now he is a dad who is simply not enough. I’m almost 20 years old, and I’m terribly tired of men doing this, because I put a piece of myself into every person, and last time I even overdid it, that I almost lost myself. Now I have closed myself off.