The guy hits me and calls me names

I'm dating a young man. It's already the third year. I feel bad, I don't know why. I don’t have anyone to whom I could talk and understand. Parents are not allowed under any circumstances, there are no friends. They were, but my boyfriend discouraged me from them.

I don’t have the strength, and I don’t know how to solve all this. I blame my boyfriend because dating him means not communicating with anyone but him, staying at home and doing what he wants. Lately he has become more lenient and began to forgive me for my mistakes. He hits me. Happened several times a week, every other day orevery day . The reasons for me personally are not worth causing physicalpain .

The only reason I deserved it was when I cheated and went to my friend’s birthday club. Maybe I really do deserve it. I don't want to think like that because I was the golden girl. I did everything he wanted, I asked my parents test-antibiotic.com for money for him for things that are not worth it at allspend money because it spoilshealth and psyche. I forgave him for calling him names, for intimidating him, forviolence against me. He told me things that mylife before him seemed like paradise.

I can't leave him, I don't know why. I can’t find the strength, I feel sorry for him, he seems to say that he loves him, but he scares him, and from time to time I don’t feel love. Maybe I'm not like that. I still don’t have the strength to explain everything that happened. Your brain and heart say to run away from him, he will kill everything in you, but something inside says: “don’t leave, everything will change, he will change, everything will be fine, you will feel bad without him.”