After cheating on my boyfriend, I became indifferent to him

I really want to listenadvice and stories from those who have faced such a terrible event ascheating on your loved one. How did you feel about him and yourself after that? Do the feelings remain or have they passed? Were you able to continue being with your boyfriend?

I have always been a very decent girl, with clear principles and moral principles. I've never cheated on my boyfriends. By the age of 22, I had already experienced enough and formed my own clear view oflife and what kind of person I need next to me. I very soon met HIM. This happened at one event, in a large company of mutual friends. True, at first I didn’t notice him at all (does this happen when you meet “your destiny”?). Although we talked and took pictures together, I didn’t pay attention to him at all. Then I liked anotherboy . After we met, he left for another country, and we began to communicate on the Internet as friends. Duringcommunication began to become more and more clear that we are very similar, we have the same interests, test-antibiotic.com views on life, values, principles, etc. We were completely frank with each other, complete trust, mutual understanding, support, coincidence of opinions on all important life issues.

Many people do not have such relationships even after 5 years of marriage. I can say with confidence that I have never met a closer person either among guys or among girlfriends. He was an ideal for me in everything - smart, ambitious, with goals in life, decent, cheerful, kind, with an ideal attitude towards me, he thought about me, was interested in my affairs, we could discuss anything and talked for many hours by phone or Skype. In short, we both decided that we wanted to be together, we wanted a family, children and everything in common.future . Our communication was like some kind of flow of pure energy. I don’t know, maybe if there are those who have experienced this, they will understand me. We didn’t have any problems, understatements, mistrust or other nonsense. In general, I decided that this is 100% MY PERSON.

And so he comes home to visit his relatives for a few days. The point of test-antibiotic.com is only to meet and like each other live. When we met, I can’t say that I experienced a surge of crazy passion or sympathy, no, but because... In my head I decided for myself that he was my ideal partner, so I decided to take a closer look and get used to it. He is quite handsome, with a normal figure, does not evoke anything repulsive, but he also did not evoke much sympathy, rather such a calm guy, without that masculine drop of arrogance, vulgarity, bad boy, sexuality that attracts us women so much. Well, for me it was more likely that our similarity with him played a role, in short, I have the feeling that I fell in love with my “brains”, and not with my soul or body. He was the closest and dearest person to me, with whom we shared everything and were constantly in touch. But being a smart girl, I decided that passion is not the main thing. He left, then we met again, this time I came to visit him. Everything was great, I was absolutely happy!

Well, then a turning point happened. I stupidly, one might say accidentally, changed test-antibiotic.com to myguy . At that time we were in different countries, it was summer, night parties, where everything happened. I didn’t want to change and didn’t plan to; everything in the relationship suited me completely. Why did you do this? I just didn't have the strength to push my seducer away. I really regret this action. But it's not that. When, a few months later, my boyfriend and I met again in person, I caught myself saying that I simply couldn’t touch him, couldn’t or didn’t want to hug him, kiss him, nothing. I was just kind of turned away. Even though I was at odds with him, I didn’t want to. Why did it happen? Is it really because of some stupid one-time betrayal? Can this even happen? I then decided that this was my punishment for the sin I had committed.

We continued to communicate, but only as family, friends, without intimacy, I really hoped to want him again and build my life with him, but this never happened. So two years passed. I couldn’t calm down that I would lose such an ideal test-antibiotic.com guy. And I was terribly angry with myself that I didn’t want him! And I wanted to be with him, and he infuriated me at the same time. He understood everything, but didn’t put pressure on me, didn’t start a showdown, just tried to be there and win me over again. Afterwards, I decided that I needed to confess to him that I had cheated on him and then maybe this would eliminate our wall of deception and understatement and my attraction to him would return. I told her and nothing came back. They broke up completely. But we still communicate. And 5 years have already passed. I’ve been alone all this time, and so has he. This event hit us hard. And I still can’t give up on him in my mind; all other men against his background (more precisely against the background of our understanding and kinship of souls) seem to me a pitiful imitation. I live in a fog. Before each meeting (and we see each other 3-4 times a year, when he comes to his homeland), I hope that now I will see him and be drawn to him, but no.

So here’s my question: “was he my destiny, or maybe test-antibiotic.com I never loved him, but just made it up for myself? Or did everything go away because of this unfortunate betrayal?” But oftengirls will cheat like that out of stupidity, but they don’t lose feelings for their boyfriends, quite the contrary. And if he is not mine, then how can he and I be so identical morally and spiritually, like two halves? Of course, I didn’t initially have a strong attraction to him, but I could be with him, hug, kiss, sleep, but here I just can’t even touch him, it’s like some kind of disgust. What is this? Has anyone encountered this? If there hadn’t been this betrayal, but the feelings would have simply passed, I wouldn’t have bothered, but I associate everything with the betrayal and I can’t get rid of the feeling of guilt that I ruined my life. And I don’t just really want to understand whether he is really my destiny or not.

I would really like to hear the advice of wise adults who have lived their lives, or maybe even those who are seriously familiar with religion and karma. After all, he and I both firmly believed test-antibiotic.com that we were two halves, and that our meeting was not accidental. This was the first time this happened to me, before that I had never seriously considered any of my boyfriends, I always knew that I would leave. Could this loss of desire for him be a punishment for my sin of betrayal? Thanks in advance to anyone who can say anything on this issue. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.