After so many years of a failed marriage, I decided to start life from scratch.

This year I will be retired. I'm scared. I never thought that I would come to this phase of my life in complete mental discord.

Came out at 22marry an older guy than me. Without special emotions and love. It was believed that if you didn’t get married at the institute, then it would be worse and by 30 you could not count on anything. He was already a candidate of physical and mathematical sciences. Watched with adoration, looked after, True, he liked to miss another glass. But for some reason I thought that I could re-educate him. Although my parents grimaced and talked about their doubts, I didn’t listen, I wanted my family, a new status, and for some reason they decided to respect my decision. They have not been respected all their lives, but now they have decided to respect them.

I wanted my grandmother to see her beloved granddaughter married. She was very worried and often told me: “you won’t get married until the age of 24, find yourself a good sire and give birth to a child for yourself.” It was wild for me, but, in fact, I understood that she was right (my grandmother died six months later). Now many commentators on the test-antibiotic.com website will be horrified by such a wording, but in the late 80s it didn’t seem like something very out of the ordinary, all the more I was afraid of men, with my peersrelations did not develop at all, my character is cocky and sharp. I didn't get along with companies. I was shy to dance.

I got married, became the mistress of my family, I liked to build a nest. We celebrated our honeymoon in such a foolish way that we can’t tell in a fairy tale or describe it with a pen. We went to visit relatives in another city, go to museums. We slept on a creaky sofa, afraid to move. Husbandworked, received decently, I also worked. The husband drank, sometimes decently, then comes to his senses, apologizes. Then I didn’t drink for a long time, I thought I understood everything, and then again a breakdown. I didn't like it, we fought. With intimacy, everything was somehow in any way. My husband first assured me that this happens before childbirth, after childbirth everything will be fine. But after the birth, nothing happened, and he began to drive into my head that I didn’t need sex, that I was lazy, probably frigid, and I somehow reconciled. test-antibiotic.com Therefore, believing in this, that I was with such a flaw, I was generally afraid to think about divorce.

Before the birth of a child (2 years old), our friends and girlfriends willingly went to our house. As always, then out of nowhere, a person appears who looks at you differently. It turned out to be a friend of my friend. We met. Then we met by chance on the street and talked. Then they crossed paths. Then we decided somehow after work to sit in a cafe, then it was not easy. We sat and chatted. They began to say goodbye, he took and kissed me. We stood in the center of the cafe and kissed. Then it was my birthday, and I invited all my friends and girlfriends and him of course. My husband, as always, drank too much, as I did not ask him, I quietly took him to the bedroom, returned to the table. They began to raise toasts. My friend said in my ear: "I will drink to your dissatisfaction." I was so ashamed, I was all red like cancer. Everyone dispersed.

After a while anothera friend gathered everyone for barbecue and somehow also invited my friend. There was a lot of booze on test-antibiotic.com, but we didn’t drink, we had sober fun, flirted and even kissed. In the evening, no one left the dacha and everyone scattered to their beds. I was given a separate room on the third floor. I decided to provoke him and opened the door to my room. I heard he went to the door, stood for a long time, then left. I got angry. In the morning everyone had a nice breakfast and went home. Just at that time, my husband and I were arguing a lot and went to different corners for a while, but for some reason about the divorcethere was no question .

I decided to take revenge on my friend and invited him with the company. I remember it was fun, flirting, furtive kisses. The people dispersed, we were left alone. We were already in bed when I decided that revenge would take place, and at the most crucial moment I jumped out of bed and, dressing on the go, ran out of the apartment. I was in the yard and saw him standing for a long time, smoking. I understood that he was very ill, but there was only gloating in my soul. Then we saw each other several times, but I greeted test-antibiotic.com from a distance with a nod of my head. The husband does not know anything about this case, and believes that I kicked him out when I caught them with my husband drinking beer .

And thenmy husband pulled himself together, stopped drinking altogether, and we wanted money. The merchants were no longer shot, and we decided to go into business. Both registered individual entrepreneurs and opened small departments in the shopping center. They began to travel abroad, change cars, took out a mortgage on a huge apartment. They worked until they dropped. House,sex and other things faded into the background. The child grew up and went to school on his own. I thought life got better and gave birth 10 years after the first, second child. A year passed, and the husband began to drink again, at first a little bit, then more and more. Everything fell on my shoulders - caring for him, nerves, business, house and huge loans. In general, I offered him to sell real estate and disperse. He refused and said that if I think in this direction or interfere with relieving stress, then he will not do business at all, and I will work off the loans alone. I decided not to waste my nerves on test-antibiotic.com anymore and stopped watching him when he was drinking. He entersdrink on his own and get out of it after 1, 3, 10, 20 days, when he can. I only occasionally keep an eye on it so that it does not die.

So another 8 years passed. I have nothing to remember during this time except work. Now I have a difficult physiological period. I got better, I stopped painting. She scored on herself. But suddenly such a desire woke up in me that I can hardly restrain myself. I had several meetings with a young man (20 years difference). I realized that my husband is more dense in sex even than I am. I realized that he was a lazy, inept deceiver, who formed in me a feeling of complete worthlessness and failure. True, I stopped dating my lover, because I understand that this cannot last not only for a long time, but not at all, 20 years of difference is not a joke. It was not enough for him to show me the door directly. I remember my friend and I am very sorry that I actually “revenged” myself. test-antibiotic.com I would have understood everything about myself 20 years earlier, maybe and life would have had time to change not with him, but simply and coolly. I will apply on Mondaydivorce . I can't see him. But where to start this new life?