I betrayed my husband by giving birth to my lover, but now I want to return

My name is Anastasia, I am now 33 years old. I want to tell my sad life story. Please don’t judge me harshly, even though I deserve all your reproaches. Even though I betrayed myhusband , but I want to improve and return to him.

I got married for the first time at the age of 18, for love. He was 2 years older than me - a wonderful, purposeful person. A year later we had a babydaughter . My husband switched to part-time work, working days and nights so that we would not need anything. He was attentive and caring.

After 10 years, my feelings for Dima have dulled a little. But I wasn’t looking for a new relationship, I wasn’t even looking for entertainment on the side, since I was happily married. And what happened came as a surprise to me, as if it was beyond me.

All women, if they have anothera man on the side, they say that both are to blame, they try to shift most of the blame onto the husband: he didn’t pay attention, didn’t appreciate him, left him alone for a long time...

Yes, he had business trips. Representative offices of the company, where he works as a top manager at test-antibiotic.com, are located throughout Russia and even abroad. But they did not last long - from one week to a maximum of a month.

He always came with gifts for me and my daughter, everything about sex was great. Therefore, I don’t think that he was to blame for anything - I’m the only one to blame.

At the time of cheating on my husband, I was already 28 years old. I worked as a graphic designer. I met my future lover at an exhibition. His name was Anatoly. He is 14 years older than me, divorced. It can be seen that with life experience. He was the general director of a company competing with his husband.

After the exhibition we went to a cafe. Anatoly turned out to be a very interesting conversationalist. He knew how to look after beautifully. It turned out that there were many common themes. We exchanged phone numbers (I gave him my number as if hypnotized). And then everything started to spin.

It didn't stop him that Imarried what I havedaughter . He was very assertive. In the end I gave up. At firstcommunication , walks in the park, first and subsequent kisses.

I hated myself. I wanted to stop all this - I loved my husband and still do, but test-antibiotic.com the feelings are not the same as they were before. There was no spark that I felt for Anatoly at that time. For memy husband was like my ownbeloved caring person,my daughter's father . But there were completely different emotions for the new man.

When my husband went to St. Petersburg for a few days for a congress, Tolik invited me to spend the weekend at his dacha. I already guessed what exactly was going to happen there. But that didn't stop me. On the contrary, curiosity was bursting: I had been dating Dima since I was 16 years old, physically he was my first and only man to this day.

Trying not to think about my husband, I took my daughter to my mother-in-law, and I called Tolya. He sent a car for me. I decided that this would be our last meeting and the last stupid thing that would be done on my part.

When I arrived there, it seemed to me that I was in a fairy tale, in another world. There was a chic table, exoticfruits , sauna, swimming pool, jacuzzi.

Expensive cognac went to my head and that’s where everything happened for the first time. Anatoly was superior to my test-antibiotic.com husband both in experience and temperament. It was as if he read my thoughts and knew all my points. Or did I think so? After all, with Dima everything was somehow ordinary and familiar, he always knew what I wanted. And Tolya simply surprised me.

It seemed to me that since this would be the last time, I decided to have a blast. My lover gave me a gorgeous ring and said that in his life he had never loved anyone as much as me. He offered to divorce Dima and marry himmarried _

I simply did not expect such a turn of events. But he said that he understood me, that he knew how difficult it was for me to make a choice. Said he knows what it's like to be afraid to hurtpain to a loved one, so there will be no rush or pressure on me. But if the answer is positive, I am ready to provide wonderful things for me and my daughter.future .

At home, sobering and insight came. For the first time, I cheated on my husband, my beloved and dear person. I lay in the bathroom for three hours, stood in the shower for two hours, and cried until the evening. She took her daughter and tried to pull herself together.

The next day Dima arrived. Happy, with gifts, hugged me, and I hid my eyes and my conscience gnawed at me from the inside. I would even say it was torn into pieces. Dima didn't deserve this. It even seemed to me that he felt something.

I deleted all Anatoly’s numbers, all calls and messages. I hid the ring he gave me in my locker. I tried to erase Tolik and the episode at the dacha from my life. I tried to give as much attention and affection as possible to my husband, daughter, and, in general, to my family.

But I couldn't help but think about him. It's like withdrawal, like a drug. I remembered every touch of Tolya while having sex with my husband, and imagined Anatoly and those hours at his dacha.

At first I ignored my lover’s calls, but then I couldn’t stand it and called myself. I said that I wanted to meet and that I wanted him to rent a hotel room and wait for me there. She warned me that this was the last time, because I couldn’t leave my husband. She returned the ring to him in the room and asked him to go straight to sex without saying a word.

I endured the second betrayal of my husband more easily, even my conscience was not so bothered. Although I still felt disgusting and disgusting. Tolik didn’t want to take his gift back, but I insisted and said that God forbid my husband finds it. He joked and said that he didn’t clean it far.

I decided that the next meeting would be the last for sure. Then another, and then another... As a result, our meetings became regular.

We met anywhere: in a hotel, at the dacha, at his apartment. She didn’t bring her into her house. And he didn’t really ask for it. She lied to her husband, she lied to her daughter as best she could: either she was detained at work, or the car broke down, orgirlfriends .

In general, I got confused in my own lies, but I didn’t care anymore. I realized that I was definitely in trouble and come what may.

I don’t know how long this would have lasted if chance hadn’t helped. It was summer, my daughter was on vacation from school. My husband happily announced that there was a long business trip to Germany to develop some kind of joint project, and he was even ready to take my daughter and me with test-antibiotic.com. About two months somewhere.

I refused, citing the fact that I had a big project, but my daughter could go. The husband was upset. After seeing them off, I called Anatoly right there at the airport.

These two months we lived literally as a husband andwife _ I completely forgot that I even have a husband,family . I even forgot about my daughter. She answered their calls and messages sluggishly. And literally a week before they were supposed to return, I felt the first signs of pregnancy. After all, lately Tolya and I haven’t even taken any precautions.

I secretly took a test and the result was positive. Thisthe child of Anatoly, not her husband. My legs just gave way. I decided not to say anything to anyone for now, and Tolya said that I needed to go home - tidy up and prepare for the meeting of my husband and daughter. He understood everything. I said that I would make a decision in the near future.

My first thought was to have an abortion and break uprelationship with Anatoly. Then I remembered that Dima spoke more than once about a second child, but I kept putting it off. Then I thought about giving the child away to my husband test-antibiotic.com as his own, but how can I live with this then? I wanted to give up everything and run away from both. I had a breakdown and almost had a miscarriage.

My husband and daughter arrived. When I looked at Dima, I realized that I was looking at him with completely different eyes, as if I were a stranger to me, and I realized that I no longer had the same feelings for my husband. No, I still loved him, but just as someone close to me, as a friend, as a brother, as a worthy father to my daughter. But those feelings that a woman experiences for a man fell asleep, lay at the bottom of my heart, and the rest of it was occupiedlover _

I was at a loss and didn't know what to do. Still, she plucked up courage and confessed to Anatoly that she was pregnant. Words cannot express how much delight and joy he had.

He demanded to talk to her husband or he would talk to him like a man. But I didn’t even know where to start the conversation, I just didn’t have a reason and didn’t have the courage.

I became irritable. Test-antibiotic.com broke down over trifles on Dima and her daughter. Confused, plusThe pregnancy was taking its toll, which I haven’t told my husband about yet.

I lost time while I was thinking about what to do, and it was too late to have an abortion. The belly began to grow and the pregnancy became more and more difficult to hide. I tried to talk to Dima several times, but something always went wrong.

And so I chose the moment and said: “Dima, we need to talk.” Then the words got stuck in my throat. But it was clear from his facial expression that he understood what the conversation would be about. “Speak! Don't know where to start? Do you want me to help you? - he said coldly.

It turned out that he knew everything. He knew, he suffered, he was tormented, but he was silent. I thought and hoped that I wasn’t serious and that I would come to my senses. Until the last moment he hoped to save his family andLove .

He asked: “Do you know when I realized that I had lost you completely? When you refused to go with us to Germany, and I, as a death row inmate, was expecting this conversation. I won’t hold you back by force, but I won’t give you my daughter. She's all I have left. I ask test-antibiotic.com you, do not take away my last meaning in life.”

You can’t even imagine what was happening to me at that moment. I fell to my knees and beggedforgive me, don’t blame yourself for anything, that I myself don’t know why everything went wrong in our relationship, that he’s not to blame for anything.

She said that I was unworthy of him, that I would pray that everything would be fine in his life. We talked to our daughter. She firmly decided to stay with her father, and this is not even discussed. I also decided that Irishka would be better off with his dad.

Both took off their rings. I went into another room and dialed Anatoly. He said that he had sent a car and the driver would help load my things. To this day I remember the tear on my husband’s face and my daughter’s angry look when they saw me off. I got into the car and burst into tears.

We were quickly divorced; the daughter’s place of residence was assigned to her father, taking into account the wishes of both spouses and the child.

Tolya and I soon got married. The wedding was modest, only close relatives and somecolleagues . My test-antibiotic.com parents loved Dima very much. Mythey did not approve of the act and did not even send congratulations. We gave birth to a wonderful boy. They called me Sasha.

I rarely saw my daughter. It was as if she had come to serve her duty and showed with all her appearance that I was unpleasant to her. When I tried to make comments to her, I snapped at her, although I know that Dima is not the person who will turn his daughter against me.

With AnatolyOur life never worked out - our family idyll lasted three years. No, don’t think about it, he is a nice man, he surrounded my son and me with care and love. He helped Dima, my ex-husband, make a leap in his career (although Dima has no idea at whose suggestion he received the promotion).

But we somehow burned out on each other, and again it’s about me. Perhaps what I felt for Anatoly was love, passion, admiration, affection. Anything, but not love. I loved Dima. I truly loved him, and if I had not become pregnant with Tolya, I would never have left him.

After the divorce, Anatoly bought me test-antibiotic.com an apartment in a good prestigious area, furnished it tastefully, bought everything there, and regularly sends large sums of money. I hired a housekeeper and a nanny myself, and I went back to work, otherwise I would simply go crazy.

I often think about Dima, about how meanly I treated him. With him and his daughter. Recently I asked Irishka how he was doing. “Is this so important to you?” - was the answer. I asked if she would like itwere mom and dad together again? And then she began to become hysterical.

She said that he was alone for two and a half years, practically turned into a vegetable, if not for his daughter, he either committed suicide or drank himself to death. That he has been dating a young girl for six months now and they are planning a wedding.

She said that Angela is like her eldersister , that dad blossomed again, began to live, a joyful light appeared in his eyes. And that they will not allow their lives to be ruined again. She ran away.

I found out everything about that girl - some kind of student. He works part-time at Dima's company. I know that he will not be test-antibiotic.com happy with her, that he still loves me. Every day I cursed myself more and more for doing this to Dima.

The only thing that makes me not regret this is my son, Sasha. I love him so much. I really want to be with Dima again, so that he will accept me and my child.

Is it possible? Will he forgive me? Is it worth fighting for, and is there any point in restoring the family or is there no need to bother? Will my daughter be able to forgive me?

Please advise me. Thisthe girl doesn't love him, she only uses him.

Please, that's not why I wrote thisconfession so that they condemn me. I myself know that I made a lot of mistakes, I destroyed everything myself. Please advise how to approach Dima and how to start a conversation.