I read the girl's diary

I have a problem in my relationship and I can't figure it out.

My girlfriend and I dated for 5 years. We moved in together two years ago, six months after that she told me that she had fallen in love with someone else. It was a shock for me then, but this was not the first call. Even before we moved in together, she was attracted to various men, much older than she or I. I’m 25, she’s 21. I saw that if someone compliments her or tells her in plain text what she wants, she first refuses, then she starts spinning the story herself and then she thinks that she’s fallen in love. Then it goes away, I think so, because there were many such guys.

After declaring that she did not love me, we separated. I then read her diary for the first time because she had broken trust, and I thought it was appropriate, although I understand that it was not. I read a lot there, during those six months she liked more than onea man , and at least three, and she wrote about all these feelings. I left and was extremely test-antibiotic.com angry about everything I read, but she didn't know about it.

I started a new onelife and newrelationship , with a purposeforget the old ones, six months later she wanted to return, cried, asked for forgiveness, said that she loved her and everything like that. I forgave and broke up with the girl whom, it turns out, I used. I am truly sorry that I did this. We got along, but after that I was tempted to read what she wrote in her diary. I fought this desire, but after another six months she said that she didn’t love me and she had no feelings for anyone and she was going nowhere, although before that she said that some other suitor was approaching her.

I left again, but this time, I was packing my things and wanted to turn on music on YouTube, but she didn’t close the page and the video she was watching was something like “how to become a good lover.” I went into history and saw dozens of videos that she watched, “how to take a man away from the family” and so on. I didn’t test-antibiotic.com tell her about this, but left silently.

And recently, a drunk man came to her, on March 14th. We hadsex and we got along. Yesterday I read her diary, because I again suspected something was wrong, it was on this day, March 14, that she wrote that she was madly in love with one man, thatEvery day she waits to meet him, wants to have sex with him, kiss him and be with him. This was written the day we got together. This time I did not remain silent, I read her diary and told her that I was leaving. In response I heard a ton of insults, how could I, I’m not a man, it was a long time ago, I hate it, I don’t like it, get out of my life, you’re a loser, and a bunch of insults in hysterics and tears, and stuff like that.

I am broken and I don’t know what is worse in this situation is that I read the diary or that I step on the same rake again and again, because I love sincerely. And are her notes and thoughts a reason to believe that test-antibiotic.com she is lying to herself and to me? Did I have the right to read and watch? I am very ashamed, I understand that it is ugly, but her actions and background seemed to give me carte blanche for such a lowact .

Help me with advice on what to do.