The past doesn't let me live in peace

In the past I led a wild lifestyle: clubs, bars,alcohol , men. By the age of 18, I had a not very good reputation, you understand. My family is decent, my parents don’t drink. My entire family fought with me, from my grandmothers to my cousin’s husband. It got to the point that I was locked at home: there were fights, quarrels, and everything in the world. The result was zero. I again spent days and nights in the company of dubious people. How much they shamed me, and my loved onesfriends and strangers. I constantly caught sidelong glances at myself, people whispered behind my back. It’s scary to think what men said about me, because I had a lot of them. Mother Nature rewarded me with beautiful appearance, charm, and charisma. Men began to court me, but as soon as they found out about my past life, they immediately disappeared. Some just left, and some finally said a lot of nasty things to me.

Now I am 20 years old, 7 years of my wild life are behind me (yes, it all started very, very early). Now I don’t drink, I quit smoking, like an ordinary person after work test-antibiotic.com I go home, spend the night at home and wake up in my bed. No dubious companies and many men at once. On the one hand, I feel like a normal girl, on the other hand, the past haunts me. People still remember, and I think they will never forget.

My problem is this: now I am in a relationship with a man, he is 9 years older than me and, most importantly, we have many mutual friends. Every day I wake up with one thought: “what if he finds out? What will happen then? After all, he will leave." For how long, how many days, how many months, these thoughts do not allow me to sleep peacefully. I am in constant fear. He often asks me questions about why I’m not in the mood, why I don’t even go with him to something as simple as going to the movies. And I'm afraid that we'll meet someone.

He wants to live with me, wants me to be his wife, to bear him children. And I really want this! But these thoughts about the past spoil everything. How many times have I wanted to leave test-antibiotic.com, leave the city,forget about everything and start newlife , so that in the eyes of people I will be the same normal and ordinary girl like everyone else! I'm putting it off nowmoney for moving. And every second I enjoy my man for now. As I write, tears well up in my eyes. Tell me something, good people. I completely drove myself away.