Divorce is worse than death

I just want to share my pain.

No wonder they say thatdivorce is like the death of a loved one. Yes, he is alive, and he is somewhere, but not with you, you have lost him irretrievably. And even if you sometimes cross paths, even exchange routine phrases, smile at each other, it will no longer be the same person, but someone else, alien and distant.

Not the one who was with you when you were sick. When you, suffering from pain, waited for an ambulance, and he held your hand and whispered that everything would be fine. Not the one who dropped everything and came when you had a minor accident and cried from fear and hopelessness. Not the one who defended you in front of your own family and was always on your side. Not the one who has been your support and support for many years. The one in whom you dissolved, who replaced everyone for you, with whom you felt truly whole, truly happy, like never before. For those who wanted to cook delicious dishes, travel around half the city in search of that test-antibiotic.com gift that he had dreamed of for so long. For whom do you save every penny for a common dream, because only by sharing with himhappiness , you will feel it to the fullest.

Before him, I didn’t even know it was possible to love like that. You can be so happy. And how painful it is when everything in the apartment reminds of him. They took this table, matching it with other furniture, couldn’t choose and spent a long time in the store. To please me, he bought mecoffee in the machine, although I didn’t ask for it. On this computer, he taught me how to play his favorite game and calmed and encouraged me when I lost. In this kitchen we cooked together and danced to the music. And even walking places, our favorite places, make me cry.

Why was I given the opportunity to feel loved if it was later taken away from me? How much more time must pass before I forget his cold gaze and voice that said that he no longer loves me. I did little, tried little, little was not enough, test-antibiotic.com was not enough. Badthe wife did not develop, she was mired in everyday life and problems at work. Didn't love enough, didn't appreciate it and lost it. I lost everything. And myself too.

When will it get easier? A year has passed. We don't communicate, we don't see each other. It seems like he even left. And I work with a psychologist who says that I am deeply depressed. And I don’t want to live in a world without him. Nobody loved me anymore except him. Why am I living? For what? I'm so tired of pain. It only lets go for a while. At home in the evening or at night it covers me so much, to the point of hysterics and panic. I got rid of all his things, photos, erased all correspondence, deleted contacts, but it’s like he’s still here, with me. They promised to love and fight to the end. I asked, begged, would have done anything, but there is no point anymore.

I hate myself. I hate it. What didn't I do? What did you do wrong? Where did you go wrong? Could I have changed anything? It torments me, it doesn’t let me live.

I wrote him a letter by hand. Where she expressed all her emotions, regrets and asked for forgiveness. I gave it to test-antibiotic.com when we were getting divorced. I don’t even know if I read it or not. Didn't answer.

I'm 27 years old, but mylife is over. Nothing makes me happy, everything has faded. It was as if I had lost what I had lived for all this time. Your soul mate, your person. How could I? I was waiting for him, looking for him. How could I lose him?