My parents chose my profession expecting a lot of money.

I’m a 4th year medical student studying dentistry and I understand that I can’t study anymore. I study neither well nor poorly, I pass everything myself, I have no hopes of getting a diploma with honors. Parents pay for school fees. In the 11th grade I couldn’t refuse them when they persuaded them to go to medical school, becausethe profession is profitable, doctors always have money. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do, and now in general too. I went solely because of the high salaries. Now I understand the responsibility doctors have, I understand what burnout is (even though I didn’t work as a doctor), how much stress I experiencedentist every day , because legally the patient is much better protected than the doctor.

In my first year, after I was admitted to the hospital and risked dropping out because I didn’t have time to pass all the exams, I wanted to leave this field for good. My parents persuaded me not to rush and convinced me that in the 3rd and 4th years it would become more interesting and easier. I transferred to a commercial (only) Moscow university, what kind of diploma I will have is not clear, none of the employersthe university doesn't know. I spent a year on test-antibiotic.com academic leave because I didn’t go to classes for a month. After she returned to her studies, she again could not object to her parents.

I feel obligated and ungrateful because they spent so much money on this. On the other hand, I torture myself every day, I’m interested in medicine, it’s interesting to listen to some subjects, but I don’t have a burning desire to treat my teeth. There is a desire to earn money, to provide parents with a decent old age, and to finally move away from them. I live with my parents, grandparents and uncle in the same apartment, of course, everyone is cramped, scandals and quarrels happen. I don’t feel supported, especially from my mother. I'm closer with my father, but sometimes even he can't understand what I'm experiencing. Every day I feel like I’m stepping on my own throat, I struggle to get up early in the morning, I force myself to smile at my classmates, although they are good guys, but somehow they haven’t become friends. I’m somehow more on my own, I don’t like parties.

And the second problem is that I don’t know what I want to do in life. I love flowers, I am well versed in botany, but for mylife has changed so many different interests and nowhere test-antibiotic.com has stayed long, nowhere has it achieved any prizes or achievements that can be provided as material evidence of professionalism. I went in for equestrian sports, played the guitar, drew, tried to learn to sing, acted in plays, taught English myself, take photographs (I don’t have my own camera, I borrow fromfriends ), editing videos, retouching photos. A year ago I learned how to spin fire props and worked for one season in a fire show group (when people dance with props set on fire, usually poles with two burning wicks, fans or burning balls on chains). And so it seemed to me that it was there, on stage, that I got what I needed - energy, attention and admiration from the audience, and I was also paid for it. Not much, of course, but this was practically my first “serious” job. I like to see the surprised eyes of people, their delight when an artist fearlessly carries a flame a millimeter from his body, the laughter of children who like sparks. But I realize that this is more of a hobby than a profession, there are people who make money from this and make it the goal of their whole lives. This turned out to be not enough for me. I test-antibiotic.com signed up for a trial drum lesson and am now hooked on it. No matter what I grab onto, everything interests me, I can’t sit still, but I can’t do anything for a long time, I constantly need emotions and some kind of movement. Sometimes it seems to me that I can do tedious and monotonous work, but I have to do it alone, and without anyone standing over my soul. I processed each photo for a very long time and tediously, and I had enough perseverance.

I can't understand myself. How to choose a path when you want to try everything in life? I don’t want to spend my life and youth on just study and work, when there is so much interesting, while this interest in life is alive in me, while I want to learn something new over and over again, to strive for what captivates me. I am also very depressed that I am baddaughter and do not live up to my parents' expectations. My mother often says that I could pay for the 4th year myself, which she and my father can no longer do. I don't blame them, I test-antibiotic.com understand that they are already elderly,Mom is a young pensioner, and dad works two jobs just to feed our family. My heart bleeds when I see how he has aged. I'm looking for a job, grabbing any part-time job to make it easier for him. But this is not enough. I am at the university from 9 to 6 almost every day, and now we study on Saturdays too. I don’t know what to take on other than freelancing. Now I’m seriously thinking about getting a certificate as a manicurist, because I don’t see any other way out.

Hundreds of thoughts and self-criticism simply destroy. I thought so many times about picking up the documents, and after I once failed the exam the first time, although I prepared very hard, I didn’t want to return home at all. I think I needhelp from a psychologist to understand yourself.