My parents regret that I was born

I'm 15 years old and I've never felt so terrible. Parents live in another country. When they lived together, they told me more than once that it would have been better if I didn’t exist, that they shouldn’t have gotten rid of me in vain.

The fact is that in front of people they pretend to be ideal and caring, but in reality they are not even interested in how I am doing. I live with my grandmother, who almost goes wrong - she starts screaming hysterically and throwing up her hands. Sometimes it seems to me that she enjoys it, just calling me different names.

She may just start doing this if she is in a bad mood. But I have to endure in silence, because for every word I get a hundred times stronger. My uncle also lives in this apartment. He drinks endlessly (to put it mildly), has the same friends, and also constantly yells, fortunately not at me at least. I hardly ever experience silence. One even more so.

About friends. I don't have them. This is not an exaggeration, I really don't have a single test-antibiotic.com friend. Although until recently there were. About six months ago I had several, what I considered, good friends, but the company changed. There were new faces in it that I didn’t get along withcommunication . And it just didn’t work out for me. In just a week, I was made an outsider among my friends, and then they told me that no one wanted to communicate with me. They began to avoid me, and the “cool” ones, a couple of times in front of a bunch of people, shouted “outcast” at me in the back and laughed.

I've just always been silent lately. There is no desire to talk. Even sometimes I can’t answer the teacher when he asks. It’s as if the tongue is being taken away. There is not a single person who could support, help, or at least distract from all this. I can’t make new friends, I’m very scared to even talk to people. There are not even relatives with whom I could communicate. Everyone thinks we have a beautifula family where everyone loves each other. I can’t stand it anymore, I want to leave home. The only problem is that I'm only 15.

This is the second year I’ve been looking for any part-time job, since they practically don’t give me any money. By the way, this was one of the reasons why I have no friends. Everyone travels somewhere all the time, but I can’t because of finances. I can’t and don’t want to ask them to pay for me. I have nowhere to go, no money, no job (even as a cleaner or handing out leaflets, they charge a minimum of 16), I have no friends, everything is bad in my family. I can’t even leave the house - I have nowhere to go. I live in an area where there are only yards, roads and abandoned buildings around. There are a lot of old acquaintances in the yards, you can’t sit on the road, and it’s scary to go into abandoned places.

I can't stand it all anymore. Nothing interesting. I just can’t read a book. I can’t even concentrate on my studies, I’ve slipped from 5th grade to 3rd grade. I can’t wait to graduate from school, but there are still 2 years before that, and a summer that I have no idea how I’ll get through. I dream about a lot, I want to travel, I want to communicate with people, to live normally, in the end. Only all this holds me back, I feel terribly lonely test-antibiotic.com and sad. Due to my age, I can’t just leave or move away. It's a pity.