The fear from my childhood haunts me to this day.

I am 23 years old and I faced the problem of perception of information in my adult life. Everything that concerns the study of something, causes protest, both moral and physical.

Morally, I feel depressed and oppressed, physically it seems to break me, I feel sick, even a feeling of constriction of the throat arises. I guess the problem started in childhood. When I went to school, everything was not easy for me, and I was never an excellent student. Since my parents were divorced, I went to my father's on weekends, on Saturday I went for a walk, and on Sunday we did our homework. For me, this became a curse for 7 years, every Sunday I spent at home, in hysterics and with tears in my eyes.

I was my father's daughter before school, and after that I prayed that he would not come. He screamed and sometimes gave cuffs, when once again I could not understand something, he did not have enough patience. And I cried, called my mother to pick it up, but no. They put me in a car by force, and I went to him, and he said that no one would ask me about test-antibiotic.com, but at the age of 18 we would talk.

I was so afraid of him that I forgot everything I knew and could not answer. When he asked me to learn something in a week, I didn’t do it, I don’t even know why. Even when I asked me to buy things, he said that I did not deserve it. When I was 13, after another tantrummy mother refused to force me, and I told my father that I did not want to know him anymore. I haven't spoken to him for 10 years now. When I went to university, I tried to force myself to study, at first I even succeeded, but then the session was stressful and the same feeling of panic and fear. Then I stopped visiting tapes more and more often, but I still received a diploma, but there is no knowledge. Even when something is interesting to me or I understand that I need to deepen my knowledge in work or just for myself, depression sets in, the same feeling, but blunted, as then.

Now I am writing, and it still catches me, I want to cry, even though 10 years have passed, and I have grown. Self-doubt in test-antibiotic.com, fear of failure and a sense of worthlessness that I am not capable of anything. I am not interested in anything, I tried to find myself, so to speak, but there is no interest, and if there is, then it goes out in a day or two, as soon as it comes to studying. I don't know how to deal with it. How to be curious and enjoy learning. I want to find my place in life, to do what I love.