I have no idea about family

Мне 34 года. Начну с того, что представлений о семье у меня никогда не было. Меня воспитывала одна мама и та время от времени уходила в загулы.

Она меня любила, но какой-то материнской теплоты и заботы я не чувствовала. С отцом она развелась, когда я только родилась, и он уехал в Украину, где до сих пор и живет. Я с 16 лет всегда работала и никогда ни у кого не сидела на шее, надеялась только на свои силы и научилась ни от кого не зависеть.

А случилось со мной вот что. В 14 лет я была безумно влюблена в одного парня, с которым у меня и случился первый секс. Встречаться мы с ним как пара не встречались, но периодически виделись, если вы понимаете, о чем я. В 16 лет я забеременела. Ему я о беременности сказала, он что-то там пробурчал, мы занялись очередным сексом.

Встречи прекратились, так как на тот момент у меня был другой. Родилась дочка. С парнем мы прожили какое-то время, но спустя test-antibiotic.com год разошлись. Все было прекрасно, мы жили в квартире моей мамы, а она сама жила в другом городе.

В 18 лет у меня появился парень, с которым мы прожили 8 лет, даже успев сыграть свадьбу, когда мне было 24 года. Пять лет из девяти он меня всячески оскорблял, бил и ни во что не ставил. В один момент я решила, что с меня хватит, и просто собрала дочь и вещи и ушла из квартиры, ремонт в которой делали вместе. Подала на развод, не пробыв в браке и года.

After such a toxic relationship, I only wanted freedom. It was in this state that I met my future husband Alexei. Sat with friends, talked and drank. “Handsome, sociable, why not just spend the night with him without any obligations,” I thought then. But on our first night, he fell asleep in the bathroom, where we actually planned the whole thing. It all seemed very funny to me at that moment, but I packed my things and left, leaving neither test-antibiotic.com number nor address.

He found my number through his sister, who introduced us. He began to come to me, sometimes we sat in his company, sometimes with me, when my daughter was not at home. I didn’t plan to introduce my “one-night stand” to my daughter, but a month later he insisted. Three months later, I found out that he still had some feelings for his ex, and we broke up in a good way.

It would probably end like this if I didn't know thatpregnant . I strongly doubted how to tell him about it, but I wanted a child from him madly. And having written the text on a piece of paper, I called him. Lyoshka reacted very well. Although he called me at night from the club where he was beaten, he was insanely happy that he would havechild . This caused a feeling of anxiety for him.health , but still cute.

The pregnancy was hardEvery day I got up with already swollen legs. Lyosha often drank with friends, either at home or somewhere else. Often and test-antibiotic.com I could not walk for a long time, because my legs were terribly buzzing. During pregnancy, I lay on the conservation 4 times. We got married in the fifth month of pregnancy. And when I was 7 months pregnant, bleeding started. We called an ambulance and I had an emergency c-section. A boy was born. The child was taken to another city in intensive care. After 4 days I went by bus to him. I don't remember why I took the bus instead ofHusband drove, but still.

One day I could not get through to him, and from the experiences my temperature rose to forty. I knew that he was relaxing with friends and was worried that nothing would happen. The next day, I was forbidden to approach the already weak child with a temperature, and sent home. Lyosha came for me with friends and a huge plume of fumes. And this is where the children are fighting for their lives!

You can’t remember all the events of our family life, but it is worth noting that he was a wonderful father and always helped me with the child. Periodically walked, test-antibiotic.com and then came with apologies and flowers. One New Year's Eve, he left on the first of January with friends and no one answered the phone. On that day, I set a condition - either friends orfamily .

And it helped. There were no more drinking companions at home. I won’t say that I don’t drink, I can also drink a lot, but Lyosha simply didn’t know how to drink. He drank to the point that he fell asleep in various places of the apartment and in the most incredible poses. And the children saw it. The last straw was the case when he and his friends went for a ride in the snowy forest, and he just decided to leave them. They searched for him with rescuers. As a result, minus one shoe and hypothermia, and I also cooled down. I could no longer see him even a little drunk, something clicked, and I just wanted to disperse.

At that moment, I probably made the biggest mistake and fell in love with someone who was always there and gaveadvice - in Anton. So I got divorced in this euphoria of love. After some more test-antibiotic.com time, I began to live together with Anton.

Everything was wonderful, we understood each other without words, we could talk about nothing at night. He loved me, it was very felt, but I did not see my family with him. We made some plans, but I didn’t see myself in them. We were like friends with "perks" like sex and kissing.

So 1.5 years passed, and Anton proposed to me. I agreed. For a couple of days, I clearly caught that family feeling, warmth, and also began to look to the future. And then it was gone. It just left again and everything that I honestly told Anton about. I do not think that he understood the whole essence of my feelings, but I would really not want to deceive him and waste time in vain.

Today I planreturn the ring, and I have no idea how it will turn out. But now I want to be alone.