Guilt before my father and loneliness keep me from being happy
I'm a little over 25 years old, I'm lonely, I don't have anyone, because I haveproblems with communication, I have a hard time getting along with people, I'm an introverted person, I was bullied at school, so I'm afraid of relationships.
I have almost accepted that I will be alone all my life. The strangest thing is that I have toEvery day I have to step over myself for the sake of money, since I work as a salesman and communicate a lot with different people. The job brings good income. But it turns out that everythingI spend money on home and everyday life, I live with my mother, she retired and does not work. She constantly complains, says, we need to do water supply (100 thousand), repairs, sewerage, then buy fur boots, or buy a fur coat on credit, naturally her 8,000 pension is not enough for everything, and I save almost the entire salary for all new needs , because I feel sorry for her all the time. And at the same time, I’m offended that I’m wasting the remnants of my youth like this. After all, my friends travel and get married. Constant lack of money anddepression makes me so nervous, test-antibiotic.com that my head hurts.
Last summer, my dad died: he had AIDS, he was ill for about 8 years, but I found out about this 5 years later not from him, but from my mother. This is the main reason for my pain. Every dayI cry and blame myself for not reacting to his condition and even scolding him, I dream about him constantly. And I’m also angry with my mother, although I love him immensely at the same time, because she turned me against him from childhood (he drank), they often fought, I told them not to torture each other and get a divorce, but No. The last time before his death, when he was still outwardly healthy, I often quarreled with him and did not support him. I'm so sorry he died the way he did, if he had taken therapy he might have been alive. And when he found out about the illness, he began to build us a house, in general, he was probably a good person, but of course not without sin, like all of us. I don’t know how I can test-antibiotic.com bear the load, with his death I felt my burden even moreloneliness .
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