I trust all my secrets and desires to my diary.

I am 19 years old. I have a problem - I think too much and stress myself out. I never had any experience communicating with girls, well, I talked to some at training or at school, but beyond that there was nothing.

I was not popular at school, I was an outcast and an object of ridicule, I was always afraid to do something, because if I did something wrong, they would laugh at me, and so 9 years passed at school, I abandoned my studies. At first he asked his parents to help with things at school, but after several consecutive answers “I sorted it out myself,” I gave up. I don't think my parents are bad.

I tried to make new friends, opened up to people I already knew, in the end I was hurt, but they all smiled looking at it, and now my social circle includes three people with whom I may not communicate for years, and for me this will be the norm (all three guys). I hid in a shell and was afraid to open up to people, what if they laughed again? What if they hand it over again? What if it hurts again?

I don’t really have any friends, only these three with whom I can communicate, I mostly sit at home, read books, they have replaced the whole world for me, true friends, unforgettable adventures and finding true love. Dreams, dreams, I’m too dreamy, I’m walking down the street, listening to music and dreaming about a girl. And this is the age when you want and inject.

I read a lot, mostly fantasy books, and also stories from people’s lives on social networks. This is where the problem lies, I can read in a book in a life story that she cheated on him or he saw her in their bed with someone else. And I'm afraid that I toothe girl will cheat. And even though I tell myself that this is all the author’s idea (if it’s in a book), calm down, everything will be fine. But then I read real life stories, and they write that she didn’t wait for him to leave the army, and leftmarry his best friend, orthe girls themselves boast that so farthe guy was in the army or something, they whiled away the nights with his friends. test-antibiotic.com I don't trust people, although you can't spend alllife alone, I can’t do anything.

Everyone tells me: “Why are you worried, everything is ahead of you, go do something, go dancing or learn to play the guitar.” Why is it necessary if I can’t come up and talk, I can’t even ask for directions, and then I choose men or adult women. I'm afraid that I won't be as bright as the other teenagers I see, and the girl will leave. And the girls are very beautiful, bright, not like me. I'm not only afraid that she will cheat on me, but also that something might happen to her. Yes, here it follows reasonableThe question is that I can change her, yes I can, but I don’t want to. Don't do to people what you don't want them to do to you. I sometimes imagine that I have a girlfriend and I catch myself thinking that I won’t let her go anywhere alone, I will watch her, be jealous, forbid her to go somewhere, in general, a domestic tyrant, but I don’t want to be like that. And all this makes my head spin at test-antibiotic.com. I don't know how to calm myself down.

I started a diary, where I describe what happened to me in my life and during the day. I also started another diary, I call it “Notebook of Happiness.” There I write down only funny moments, funny stories, so that if I feel sad, I read this notebook and think: “But my life was full of funny moments and stories, everything is not so bad.” I’m going to go pick up things with one of my three comrades so as not to be so faded. I'm trying to change something. Slowly, but I'm trying.