I've loved my husband's friend all my life, but I never decided to leave

Such a banal, sad life story - I fell in love with a friendhusband .

It was a long time ago. FutureMy husband proposed and she agreed. Thought it wasLove . We submitted an application and set a wedding day. Everything is fine. Then trips began to visit his and my relatives and friends, we are now a couple, always and everywhere together. And at one party I met his friend and that’s it, I couldn’t think about anyone else. My husband's friend, courteous, cheerful, sensitive, 100 points in appearance. I saw that he was watching me with his eyes, a couple of times he went into the kitchen, supposedly to smoke, but in fact he wanted to talk to me (I helped the hostess set the table, clear the table, and wash the dishes). All the time someone came in and out, either my fiancé or other guests. It was simply impossible to talk about anything other than the weather, but it seemed to me that we were talking without words.

After this meeting, I realized that I didn’t love my fiancé. I carefully asked my boyfriend about my friend. And he turned out to be married, andmy wife just gave birththe baby is premature and they are in the hospital. I couldn’t make the decision test-antibiotic.com to cancel or postpone the wedding, I didn’t have the courage. And I decided, out of stupidity and youth, to go outget married , so as not to lose sight of your friend, to know everything about their family first hand.

It must be said that his wife always criticized him and made comments in public; she was dissatisfied with everything. At one time, my husband began to say that they seemed to have decided to separate, they were living with their mother-in-law, they were fighting, he was tired. I waited, dreamed for this to be true. And if this had happened, then I, despite the fact that we already had one child, would have divorced without thinking. But theirthe divorce did not happen. The mother-in-law died and they reconciled.

We were friends with them, went to visit, a friend helped my husband build a dacha, and my husband got him a job in a good place. We even took dachas in one place. Our children were friends. Several times we stayed with him at the dachas with the children while our other halves went to the city on business or to work. And then it seemed to us that this was a fairy tale. test-antibiotic.com Here is the real onefamily - us and 4 children (these are his words), which is the only time I heard from him.

We never had a serious conversation in all these 27 years of our friendship. A year ago his wife died. He is alone (the children work in Europe). He doesn’t want to go to them, everyone is here, and there are friends like us. He comes to us often, he told his husband that he envies him. But my husband understood this in his own way. But I always think that he just expects me to make a decision myself, he doesn’t want to push me.

I don't know what to do.