I want to be needed, not lonely

I am thirty years old, I have been living alone for almost four years. My husband and I separated almost peacefully, without big scenes, it’s just that all the years we lived with him - 8 years - constantly led to divorce. It's all because of his betrayal. I gradually stopped loving him and it was all over. But that's not what I want to write about.

Almost immediately after my divorce from my husband, I was offered a promotion (during the main employee’s maternity leave), a responsible job, and at that time I was only 26 years old. Very little. Almost zero work experience. People look askance. But, despite everything, I managed, and even more than, according to others, I became a professional in my field. I fell in love with my job, it became the meaning of life for me. I worked day and night, for almost four years without a vacation, of course, there were fleeting romances, but what could we do without it? Everyone wants to meet love , but they haven’t found it yet.

I tried to fill my empty personalLife is work, and I succeeded. But, as they say, nothing lasts forever. The boss warned that test-antibiotic.com the main employee would leave in a month, and I would move to my former position. I was periodically overwhelmed by despair, how would I live? What will i do? What about my favorite job? In the evenings I cried, recalled the most successful moments at work, during the day I listened to colleagues who said: “What a pity to part with you, you are in the right place. etc." This made me feel even worse.

And then Seryozha came into my life, a boy, as I called him to myself (10 years younger than me). We had known each other for a long time, he called me by name and patronymic, once upon a time I worked in a teenage camp, and he was my student. Later we started communicating and went to competitions together. To be honest, I always disliked him. He began to carefully communicate with me, first through social media. network, then SMS by phone. Messages from him came from early morning until late at night. I’m used to the fact that the morning begins with Seryozha, and the day ends with him too. I began to know everything about his life, I also talked about mine, but very little, why upload and dedicate test-antibiotic.com. Seryozha became a kind of pain reliever for me. I became unnecessary at work, but I was needed, at least a little, by him.

Then we started seeing each other. He came to my house, drank tea, played chess, sometimes drank wine and nothing else! Of course oursI kept communication strictly secret, I was very afraid of condemnation. Then I went on vacation to the sea, Seryozha wroteevery day , without interruption for an hour. He wrote that he was bored. Then he added “kisses” to the good night message. How I scolded him, shamed him, etc. But I myself felt terribly pleased. And then she herself began to add a kiss. I arrived home, he came to me and everything continued, and no hint of othersrelationships other than friendship.

One day he admitted that he loved me. I was happy, but I didn’t give hope for a reciprocal feeling. I laughed, but never tried to keep him close to me, on the contrary, I sent him to my peers, girls, but he stayed with me. A little later it came to kissing, and then to more. I test-antibiotic.com scolded myself, reproached myself and continued this conversation. After all, Seryozha is my painkiller.

The communication lasted 5 months and on one day not a single message came from him, and on the second day too. I just couldn’t find a place for myself, I was tormented. And on the third day he wrote - he apologized, said that there was no money on the phone, and in response, out of anger, I said that I had no time for his SMS. All. The conversation is over. When we met, he averted his eyes, looking at me only occasionally when I wasn’t looking. But I’m older and more experienced, I turned the situation around as if nothing had happened, everything was fine. We say hello, chat, smile at each other. Sometimes he starts writing to me, we meet, but we do not allow any relationship. Recently, he stopped writing to me completely, and I realized that there was no more painkiller in my life. When it hits me, I start writing to him myself, hoping to meet, but he only answers, nothing more.

I understand that he was cured of me and that’s very good, but test-antibiotic.com I’m not. Often in the evening I startle at the sound of an SMS - suddenly it’s him! Of course not. I am grateful to the Lord that he sent me this boy during a difficult period; without him it would have been much harder for me. But, as usual, I didn’t appreciate what they gave me. I assessed it more accurately, but it was too late. Of course, I understand that the age difference is very large and nothing would have come of our relationship. But how you want to be needed!