I am the daughter of a mistress

I want to start my ownconfession with the phrase “you won’t be nice by force.” It's impossible to make someone love you, that's a fact.

My parents tried in vain to have a child for five years before I was born. Long trips to doctors, examinations, expensive treatments abroad and all this was to no avail. MyMom wanted to get pregnant for a long time, but it didn’t work out. I’ll make a reservation right away, there is a big age difference between her and my dad, my dad was 32 at the time of my birth, my mom was 23. She leftmarried at 18. Mom fought for a long time that someone so young couldn’tgive birth , but everyone supported her. Especially dad's parents loved her very much and said that she was perfectwife _ As a result, when I was born, everyone seemed to be happy and the attempts stopped.

Since childhood, I have felt coldness from my mother. She never said a kind word, did everything automatically and was never interested in me except for banal things like what grades were in school, whether I cleaned up, washed the dishes and made the bed. I was never a rebellious child; on the contrary, I always studied well, test-antibiotic.com helped with everything around the house and conscientiously went to all the clubs my parents enrolled me in. Despite this, I always felt this detachment and alienation, as if I was an outsider. There was never any trust in me; all words had to be confirmed, although I never lied. I was very rarely scolded, but her cold gaze and playing the silent game for several weeks were the worst punishments.

It is very difficult for a small child to understand why you do not deserve the love of at least your own mother and really everylove must be earned by exemplary behavior and good grades, but this is still not enough. I had a lot of rules, I followed them all, I was afraid to upset her. I thought it was like this for everyone, but soon I realized what true love is. When I was 11 years old, my mother waspregnant , her happiness knew no bounds. She immediately started reading a lot of children's literature, took my room and converted it into a nursery. All day long she went to buy baby things, a crib, a stroller and toys. A few months later, mine was littered with clothes and diapers, so test-antibiotic.com was already considered the territory of the future baby.

Of course, I was very happy for my mother and wanted her to be happy. I thought that with the birth of a brother or sister we would be loved equally, but I was very mistaken. Immediately after the news of pregnancy, all the responsibilities around the house, including cooking and washing, fell on me, but I did not complain and continued to do everything and study well. After my brother was born, I had to sit with him immediately after school, play, feed him, get up to him at night and change his diapers. For every small mistake, my mother did not talk to me and scolded me, deprived me of TV and sweets for a month. I stopped going out with friends and could barely manage my studies due to the huge number of household responsibilities. I still did everything around the house and they demanded excellent grades from me.

Mom loved her brother very much, and I felt it. She always spoke to him very gently, never scolded or punished him, and fulfilled his every whim. As I grew older, I felt this injustice more and more; I was treated like test-antibiotic.com a servant, always punished and never told that they loved me. Dad, although he worked a lot, but when he came home, as if he felt guilty, he never contradicted my mother in raising her, even if she was outright wrong.

When I was 18 years old, I wanted to go to study abroad, but my parents forbade it. They said there was a small onebrother and I need to help raise him until he graduates from school, I can’t even dream of moving away from them. But I refused, because I spent my entire teenage years anyway.sacrificed her life for her brother. They always disdained me, and even now they didn’t really care about my education. I should have enteredThe university is not here to rock the boat, but I refused. Then my mother started screaming that she had dedicated her whole life to someone else’s child, and I was so ungrateful. I fell into a stupor, and she explained that I was born from my father’s mistress, a young 18-year-old girl who gave birth to me and abandoned me to my father’s family forupbringing . My father lowered his eyes to the floor, he went into another test-antibiotic.com room, and I was left alone. The puzzles fell into place, gradually I began to understand why my mother cared and cherished my brother so much, he was her only son, and all my life I was used as a housekeeper and nanny.

Of course, I am grateful to my parents, especially my mother, for raising medaughter from his mistress, but I still don’t understand why they took it, and then hated it, blamed it for every little thing and be so cold? Why try to force him to sacrifice his youth for his younger brother? After all, I didn't give birth to him. A universal resentment formother , and I don’t understand what should I do? Do I really have to stay for my brother’s sake and live at least another ten years with my parents as a servant? I’ll immediately note that if I leave to study, then any connection will be severed; mom and dad won’t communicate with me.

Thanks for the advice.