I can't figure myself out

I dated a guy (his name is Vanya) for 10 months. At the beginning of the relationship, I liked another young man, so I thought that nothing serious would work out. As a result, after I left him, I felt very bad. I suffered a lot. While we were apart, I talked to a lot of guys. I met with two. With another one (his name is Lyosha) everything was heading towards a relationship. But we still made peace with Vanya. But we were all in different cities: me, Vanya, Lyosha. Now Vanya and I are in one. Vanya and I were separated for 8 months. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great. I was literally glowing with happiness.

I came to see him for 4 days (the difference was 700 km). We called each otherevery day . Now we have been together for 2 months. We see each other less and less. He's all about work. I had to quit my studies due to health reasons. And every day I realize more and more how I regret that I did this to Lesha. I miss him very much. Vanya has become a different test-antibiotic.com over these 8 months. If only I had known that everything would be like this. As soon as Vanya invited me to make peace, I immediately left Lesha on blacklists everywhere, but he, as soon as he could, found ways to contact me.

And I was stupid and told him off. After a couple of weeks I deleted it from everywhere. He wrote again. I asked everything. I told her that we were together again. He understood everything. He gotyoung woman . Younger than me. They are five years apart. Today I found out that they sort of broke up. I was already lit up, to be honest. Every day I realize more and more that this is not the right person next to me. But I also suffer without it. I can't understand what connects me with him. Maybe it's just a strong habit?