I didn't appreciate the happiness that fate gave me

Sometimes it seems to you that everything has already been destroyed and there is nothing anymore, and at that moment you take another rash step - you step into the very heart of darkness. And falling into this black infinity, you suddenly look up and realize that the pastthe problems were just small trifles, and everything that you destroyed was real happiness.

I took my step into darkness at the age of 26. One day I realized that I was no longer the scary and gray mouse that I was in childhood and youth, now I had become a completely self-confident and beautiful woman. And then I destroyed all mylife . The fact is that one day I was lucky, and fate gave me a wonderful person, myhusband . The only person who loved me. Mymy husband gave me a sea of ​​happiness, gave medaughter , gavea love that I could only dream of before him. Gave care and support.

And now I’m 26. New job, a serious position in a famous company, a new circle of friends and a new me. test-antibiotic.com Later a new one appeareda man and, as it seemed to me, a new love. In fact, I was just a fool and fell for beautiful, but empty words and the same window dressing. I woke up after my husband found out about everything, and after futile attempts to reason with me, he divorced me. I, like everyone else like me, decided to fix everything without fail andto return back, but fate taught me a cruel lesson. She taught me thathappiness is given only once and once you lose it, you can’t get anything back.

When I woke up and decided to fix everything, decided to fight, I learned the terrible news - my husband had cancer. Everything was already too neglected and it was too late to treat. I gave everythingmoney and everything I had to save him, but it was too late. He was dying in my arms, burning before my eyes, turning from a young 30-year-old man in the prime of his life into a tired, exhausted, withered old man. I am likethe fish hit the ice, not wanting to admit that nothing could be changed. test-antibiotic.com I cried, I howled like a hunted animal and could only watch as the main person in my life died in my arms. The hour came when my husband, having taken his last breath, left for a better world, his gaze directed at me forever froze like cold glass, and his hand let go of mine.

The next few years became a wild hell of endless, bottomless pain and despair. I didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, I went crazy and drowned in this pain. I blamed myself, I hated myself and cursed. I howled in despair and pain, unable to do anything. And then apathy set in, almost everything lost its meaning, the colors faded and turned into a black and white movie, the sounds fell silent, turning into unbearable silence, and life became an eternal, unbearable terrible burden of guilt and pain. The only light and joy waschild . I loved my daughter and tried to give her everything, I tried and am trying to be a good mother, but the feeling of guilt and the realization that I am a monster and deprived her of her father’s life, and deprived her of her father, are eating me up from the inside and putting pressure on my psyche and shoulders with a huge terrible weight.

I myself destroyed everything and killed my husband. I deprived my daughter of her father, and I turned myself into a monster.

If anyone is reading this, hear me, don’t repeat my mistakes, take care of what you have. Life is given only once, and much of it will no longer be possible to correct, and it will be impossible to live with it.