I'm not like others

I am 30 years old. I'm young and strong. Good position and good salary. Eatfamily . In general, everything is like everyone else. But for many years I have been tormented by the thought that I live in vain. No goals, no desires.

Since childhood, I was only interested in books; I did not like to play with my peers. Didn't like it at allsport . I studied well at school, the teachers loved me. Until the age of 14 everything was fine, but then the time came for puberty. I quickly gained weight and gained weight in my shoulders. The girls began to show me signs of attention. Even my taste has changed. I fell in love with reading books about love and began watching romantic films. I was waiting for my princess to appear. My acquaintances, both in person and behind my eyes, began to call me a Romantic.

I was the black sheep among my friends. They pretended to be tough and cruel guys. I never understood them. I didn't like violence without reason, and I can't stand it when the weak are humiliated. We had regular conflicts over this. In their minds, I was a loser. He didn’t touch the weak, didn’t get involved in various test-antibiotic.com bad stories, treated girls with respect. But I belonged to myself, I could stand up for myself, so they didn’t contact me. Then our paths diverged. I entereduniversity , and the guys were badly beatenlife . Someone drank himself to death, two are in prison, and several more died very young.

At university, history became my passion. But not the one written in textbooks, but the history of the Aryans, our ancestors. I learned a lot, understood a lot for myself, but, unfortunately, I cannot apply this knowledge. Nobody needs them. After all, there is an official version of history. There I met representatives of various subcultures. Goths, punks, skins and various sectarians. Of these, only the pagans interested me. There were similar beliefs, but no more. They regularly held disputes with adherents of the Orthodox religion. I myself attended such a meeting once. Since then I have despised Christians for their behavior. They shout and insult. They threaten with some kind of punishment in the afterlife. To be honest, I never understood them. Why can the god of a foreign people punish me if I do not recognize test-antibiotic.com him and do not follow his commandments? I have my own gods. And I don't need to beg them for anything. And the word “slave” is absolutely alien to me.

So I lived slowly. I thought that I would find a community of pagans, and I would have someone to communicate with. But, unfortunately, this turned out to be an impossible task. The majority turned out to be pseudo-pagans. For them it was just a show. Dress up, dance, talk about the greatness of our people and at the end get drunk on vodka! Only a few turned out to be normal people. Together we were able to build a temple. We had a good time without any alcohol. Then the temple was destroyed by local Christians. We restored it. But it was destroyed again. I don't understand why they needed this. We came and behaved peacefully and did not disturb anyone. They even cleaned up the trash completely after themselves. And we can't turn anywhere. Neither the police nor the prosecutor's office. Nobody needs us. It's a shame. But if we burned their church,problems would be guaranteed for us. Now I and my fellow believers have a tradition. Every year we restore our test-antibiotic.com temple. And we will restore while at least one of us is alive.

5 years ago I got married. Found my princess. At first everything was fine. We lived in perfect harmony, my birth was borndaughter . But then trouble came. The poor child began to get sick often. I worked for days to cure the baby. My wife screamed that it was all my fault. That because of my faith, troubles will befall us. I didn't swear or argue. I just didn't want to. For months I slept 3-4 hours a day. During the day he worked in one place, at night in another. Nothing helped my daughter. Her wife and mother-in-law took her to hospitals. Then to the churches. They prayed and lit candles. But nothing helped. My little girl is gone.

My wife and her family blamed me for everything. I myself considered myself guilty before my daughter. Didn't finish watching it. Didn't save it. But I was not to blame for these people. When I was tearing myself apart at work, taking out loans and looking for new sources of income for operations, they only oohed and ahhed. We prayed to our God, but no one helped test-antibiotic.com with anything for my child. I divorced my wife. I realized that we are strangers.

Now I'm suffering. My life is wasted. The depression passed, but the apathy remained. For six months now I have been living in a fog. No goals, no desires. Only my Vera remained . But neither the state nor the authorities need it either. We are patriots. We love our native land and nature. We do not like evil and injustice. And what warms my soul a little is that there are more of us. People are starting to wake up.