I don't know how to appreciate love and care.

At 21, I leftmarried . I fell madly in love with a man 8 years older than me. He had just returned from prison, and here I was, young and naive. The relationship developed rapidly and two months later we got married. My parents were against it, but I got my way.

Borndaughter , my beloved and golden girl. My husband started drinking, cheating, in general, I lasted for 3 years. I kicked him out and began to live with my daughter alone. A year later, I met a guy, we formalizedrelationship , also quite quickly. Bornson . It seems like live, raise children, but no. As they say, when things are bad, then everything is good. We got by from penny to penny, but lived amicably, soul to soul. He adopted my child. And then, he got a specialized education, got a good job, began to earn goodmoney , and it began.

I'm a man! I'm the boss! I earn money! He threw money in my face, insulted me, humiliated me in front of my children. For the last two years, I didn't want to go home after work. This 10-year marriage was enough. I kicked him out too. I was alone for about a year. And then I met the man of my dreams. He also hadmarriage , two children, even the same age. I moved to his city. Left my job, friends, relatives, and startedlife from the beginning. And then I lost my mind. I understand in my head that I will lose him if I continue to behave like this, but I can’t control myself. As if subconsciously, I’m taking revenge on him for myexperience in family life. I throw tantrums for no reason. Everything is wrong, everything is wrong. I demand attention every second, flowers almost every week. And he pays off debts from his previous marriage, gives almost his entire salary. I knew about this, he warned me from the beginning, but I took a risk, and now I reproach him for this.

I see that his patience is running out. I am very afraid of losing this man. I love him madly. He treats my children very well, it seems like they are common. I thought that this could not happen. I would appreciate him for his kindness,understanding , responsiveness, and I only reproach and quarrel. How to stop and live peacefully?