I realized my mistake too late

It happened a long time ago, in the summer of 2000. I was 13 years old then. A new one moved into our next doorfamily with two daughters. The eldest of them was 12 years old.

There were a lot of us of about the same age in our high-rise building, and we spent days together: we played, sang, walked, however, we lived through our childhood.

That's when the first thing happened to melove . I fell in love with this oldest onedaughter of new neighbors at first sight (I didn’t even imagine that this was possible). I didn't hide my love for long. And after the enchanting announcement of my feelings to the whole courtyard (yes, I loved being a public star), I immediately felt that my reverentShe likes the attitude . She was shy, she courageously kept her cool in front of the attention of all our children, but she constantly tried to stay close to me.

Summer ended and, to my grief, we went to different schools. No matter how hard I tried to persuade hermother , I couldn’t lure her to my school. I seemed to feel that this was exactly what would backfire on me. And I was not mistaken! Almost all the guys in her class started following her from test-antibiotic.com in the first month. I fought with everyoneEvery day my face was covered in blood. And all this would be nothing, but I did not feel support from her. For her, as if it was all a game, she indulged in the attention of her classmates. No, she didn’t meet with them, she didn’t allow herself anything unnecessary (those were the times, and that was our mentality), but in front of me she told me what a friendly class they had, and that all the guys were like brothers to her.

To say that I was furious is to say nothing. I felt destroyed, because for me this love was my whole life, but it turned out that she perceived it as a child’s fun game. I began to dream of humiliating her, destroying her. And I figured out how. He set all the high school students of his school against her. He told them all sorts of nasty things about her: how accessible she was, and that they could do with her as they could (yes, that’s the kind of “superintelligence” the inflamed mind of a brutal teenager was capable of). Looking back now, I understand how test-antibiotic.com is stupid, but then her behavior did not fit into my idea of ​​an idealized world, and it seemed to me that I was omnipotent and by destroying her, the world would remain ideal.

They started following her, guarding her at the entrance, not allowing her to pass, whistling after her, making vile remarks at her, calling her at home and disgracing her in front of her father. A couple of times I personally called her supposedly to show me something, she walked trustingly, and I pushed her into the entrance with a gang full of all sorts of barefoot shoes. And all this lasted for two whole years. But contrary to my expectations and hopes, oddly enough, she never gave in. The last straw was when another tramp, set by me, blocked her path, and she, apparently completely enraged, pushed him away so that he fell, and she simply stepped over him. From that moment on, my gang began to sense that they had been duped, and I decided that enough was enough.

Years passed, we grew up side by side. She considered me her brother, and blamed herself for everything that happened. She seriously believed that this was because of her test-antibiotic.com close friendship with a couple of “cheerful” friends, and broke up with them. She didn't even suspect me. Childhood ended and student life began. She turned from a bright, cheerful girl into a gray mouse. And I gave up on her, all my youth was ahead, and that’s allthe girls were mine. In her second year, she began dating the grimmest and most damaged guy that could be found in the whole city. He didn’t value her—everyone could see that. After 3 years of relationship, and after she waited for him from the army, he left her with the words “myMom says I can find a better girl than you.”

Then my heart trembled for the first time, but I didn’t attach any importance to it, she was someone’s gray mouse for me, definitely not a match for me. Over the course of 4 years, I fell in love more than once, but all my hobbies lasted no longer than a couple of months, and I didn’t want to pursue any of them. Although I didn’t really see anything special in this, I began to visit her almost test-antibiotic.com every day. I just came to them, he and my sister treated me to tea, talked, and I left. 2 years passed, and during this time she had no one. And one day I saw her again with a guy. I felt something like jealousy, but after reminding myself that she was a worn-out mouse, I calmed down.

Let's say she dated the second guy for 3 months. One day she called me in tears and told me how shethe guy wants to leave her without explaining anything, but she doesn’t understand what she did wrong, what’s wrong with her, that everyone is leaving her. I went to meet the guy. It turned out that he just wanted to get rid of her, because she was “a psychotic idiot who clung to him as a savior from loneliness,” he didn’t need such a rag.

After some time, I was offered a job in another country, and I flew away. I came home four times a year, and each time I always went to visit her (then hermy sister has already leftgot married , so I went to her). And before test-antibiotic.com leaving, be sure to see her too. I told her everything: about my love affairs, and about affairs in general, and about hooliganism and nights in the cop. Why I told you, I don’t know. But the rest of the time he didn’t write to her, didn’t think about her. And so another 3 years passed. Until one day they called me and told me that my gray mouse was getting married. There was a real pang in my heart. The mouse invited me to the wedding, to which I replied that I had already bought a plane ticket for a week later, and because of the holidays there were no tickets for exchange. I really didn't want to be at her wedding at all. I met her a few months later in the summer. She was with her husband. She was already different, as if she had grown up, found confidence in herself, and was cheerful. The way I saw her for the first time, 14 years ago. She danced with her husband, and I was gradually carried away by the wave of my own despair. I didn't know what was wrong with me. But again, like a 13-year-old boy, I began to look for a meeting with her. I test-antibiotic.com understood that it belonged to someone else and I had no right, but I couldn’t do it any other way.

Until one day, at a meeting of childhood friends, she suddenly said that she knew a girl who, having fallen in love for the first time, was betrayed and sold to her lover, and how because of this, that girl’s psyche was completely broken. How, after all this bullying and many offensive remarks, she developed phobias - fear of crowded places and fear of being noticed, of standing out from the crowd. How is she alllife really considered herself guilty of all this humiliating attitude and believed that she did not deserve more, and how she could no longer love again. And finally, how all her life she fed herself with the illusion of friendship, which never existed. I get it and I seem to have given myself away.

She somehow understood my feelings, and apparently, having matured and gotten rid of childish naivety, she understood the whole truth. She slapped me like that. She didn’t give it, but hit her. I moved far away with the goal of never returning to this city again. I feel test-antibiotic.com like a corpse. She's about to give birth to her second one.baby , I hope she's happy. But I love her and, apparently, I have never loved anyone else in my life. It seemed to me that finding someone in life would not be possible for meproblems are so easy. In 17 years I have never been able to find a replacement for her.