I made a terrible mistake while under the influence of alcohol

I made a terrible mistake while under the influence of alcohol
Photo is illustrative in nature. From open sources.

 

A week ago, our class gathered to celebrate the end of the school year - without alcohol, just have fun and relax at one guy's house. Everything was wonderful until someone started pouring vodka into the girls’ juice. In general, it turned out that some people unaccustomed to alcohol became intoxicated unnoticed. In the morning I didn’t remember anything, my memory seemed to stop after a certain point. This has never happened to me.

A couple of days later I find out that later, older guys (18-19 years old), acquaintances of the owner of the apartment, arrived, and I locked myself in the bathroom with one of them. As they told me, I stopped being a modest, well-mannered girl, I started doing all sorts of obscenities, and I didn’t resist at all, I almost pulled him there myself by force. At first I thought that this was all nonsense, this couldn’t be happening, they were just playing me. A little later it turned out that almost everything told was true.

It was a shock for me. I take relationships between a guy and a girl seriously, and in my almost 17 years test-antibiotic.com I haven’t had one with anyone, I haven’t even kissed anyone - I think it should only be with a loved one. But I don’t have that yet. That’s why what happened simply didn’t fit in my head. Everything that I valued so much, my reputation, life priorities and values ​​- everything fell apart like a house of cards.

I don't know how to live with this. I dreamed so much about sincere love, a pure first kiss and everything that should have followed it, but only with a loved one, and not with a random guy and under the influence of alcohol! Now I am disgusted by all men, disgusted by my friends and girlfriends who did not stop me, for whom I became entertainment. It’s strange that no one has filmed this on a phone yet; they probably just didn’t realize it, because... They themselves were not in the best shape.

I'm disgusted with myself. I'll never be able toforgive yourself for not staying at home that day. It’s very difficult for me, now I can’t trust anyone, tell anyone about what happened and ask for advice. If something similar happened to someone test-antibiotic.com, please tell me how you coped and what should I do now?

 

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