I left my husband, but it turned out that my ex-boyfriend didn’t need me at all

I can't say how important or unique my story is, but it is currently transforming many incomprehensible situations.

Ten years ago, as a very little girl of fourteen, I fell madly in love with a guy who was 4 years older. A sort of “hooligan”. He drank, smoked, and was very harsh. It was not easy to attract his attention, but I succeeded.

And here we are together. The relationship was like a roller coaster, which gave me the greatest pleasure. Besides, he was something of a kindred spirit; we often talked all night long about all sorts of things. My relationship with my parents is not very good, especially at that moment, because he was my only adviser. Further, I realized that he felt me ​​and understood me completely without words. When I decided that I was ready to have sex with him, I realized that he was simply magical. Everything would have been fabulously wonderful, but he started using illegal substances. He promised to quit, he tried, because of this they began to quarrel all the time. As a result, we broke up when I was test-antibiotic.com 18 years old. I was just scared, he started talking about family, but he didn’t give up his hobbies.

I worried for a very long time. Distracteduniversity ​There was no relationship at all for a year. There was no desire. In the second year, a classmate began to court me, who was all positive, diametrically opposed to the first. I don't know why this happened, but I convinced myself that he was exactly what was needed, precisely because he was not like that. A classmate offered to become his wife, I agreed. He loved me very much, butthe relationship was so different from the first, it was completely insipid and boring that it quickly became boring. They didn’t have any drive or spice, which I liked so much. Sex was even more bland than relationships. I tried to talk, explain, try to make it clear what I want many times. Nothing stuck at all.

By the way, after leavingI got married , I moved from my hometown. But during another quarrel, she decided to go home. I came to my hometown and it so happened that we met my first love. No, then there was nothing test-antibiotic.com, we just sat and talked, but I realized that I still have feelings for this person. He hardly changed, he remained the same bully, he just became ruder and, as it turned out, he didn’t stop accepting. We met in a cafe, talked and went our separate ways.

After a while, I was almost able to stop thinking about this meeting, as he wrote online, they say, come urgently, there is a conversation. I've arrived. It turned out that he broke up with his girlfriend and decided to talk. I was drawn to him like a magnet, he was like a hypnotist. A hug, a kiss and now it’s morning. The roof was torn off so that all thoughts were only about him. I went to my husband, told everything and left him. However, as soon as I did this, I completely ceased to understand the situation.

My “bully” is looking for a meeting, attacks me with kisses, and when I talk about it, try to talk, or ignores it or laughs it off. I plucked up courage and asked him directly: “Shall we try a second time?” The answer was negative. I accepted it and left. Then he said that he didn’t mean test-antibiotic.com a categorical no, but that he didn’t want to repeat what happened, but he had nothing against the relationship itself and noticed that I had a problem with self-esteem, and in If we try something now, most likely everything will end badly.

I don’t understand anything at all anymore. Perhaps he really said this sincerely, perhaps he is just taking revenge on me. But now I have a clearunderstanding that it was in vain that I left then, but the past is notreturn . I really want to get that relationship back.