Life didn't work out

Anxious childhood, even a state of fear because of every little thing (raised voice, conflicts). Eternal nagging, discontent, humiliation, unfavorable conditions at home. Social phobia was to the point of fear of picking up the phone when an unknown number called. It was a feat to walk into the store. And let’s not even talk about crowded places. Allfear was built on disgust for oneself, one’s personality and one’s appearance.

Knowing that there is a kindmental problems , loved ones did nothing, but on the contrary, pushed me to suicidal thoughts, which we have been trying to get along with since childhood. Now I am at the very bottom, as a person who does not want to live and has lost any interest in hobbies.

Constant mood swings interfere with normal life, although now I lie in bed and do nothing. There is no ability to learn, some kind of apathy, sometimes paranoia, irritability, intermediate loss of strength, I imagine something when I try to sleep, strange pictures arise and are quickly forgotten. Scenes with dialogue also appear somewhere far in my head (but I try to reject this, and it disappears on its own).

I have no knowledge, essentially no skills, just test-antibiotic.com negative thoughts and a feeling of helplessness. Why me, why all this, why this life? When you live by the principle that it should not be in vain, that the meaning of a person is to create and saturate the world, but all the energy is exhausted.