A painful blow to my pride
I am 19 years old. I’m a perky girl, cheerful, always for justice, and I don’t seem to be a bad person myself. But there was one story that I cannot imagineforgive .
Almost a year ago I came to my already familiar place of work, I worked there part-time in the summer, this is a seasonal job. I met a guy there, nice, but not my type. It soon turned out that he hadgirl and she is now studying in another country.
We had some pretty weird ones.relationship , and all this was twisted into flirting. After some time, we began to communicate about work, nothing that could be condemned. And so we somehow communicate, and suddenly he came to my house. I had never allowed this before, the guy has a girlfriend, I wouldn’t even look at someone like that. But I myself don’t understand how it happened, he kissed me. Afterwards he went home, and I burst into tears because I was a disgusting person, but these were just flowers...
Afterwards he came again, and they kissed again. I, however, felt test-antibiotic.com disgusting and terrible. I told him that I couldn’t do this, I felt terrible, and that I was ashamed not only of myself, but also of his girlfriend. He told me that he himself wanted to break up with her before, they no longer have the same feelings that he tried to break up with her, but she did not agree and tried to make amends for all this.
As a result, they broke up, we started communicating again, but I didn’t feel better, now I became the reason for their breakup. Every now and then I felt disgusted with him and with myself, I understood that nothing good was going to happen to me here, but I wanted to convince myself that the disgust was temporary, everything would pass soon. But sometimes he made me feel unsafe with him. He climbed where it was not necessary, then we were already in the status of a relationship. I didn't want any intimacy with him.
At the end of the summer, I came to his house, and everything somehow started spinning, and he wanted this to happen, and I’m generally a girl, I’ve never had intimacy with men. I told him, we’ll try, but if I say no and it hurts me a lot, then we’ll stop it all. He agreed. And as I suggested, I was in incredible pain, and I told him about it, he stopped for a couple of seconds, looked at me, and abruptly entered me. I cannot describe my feelings. But sharpthe pain , the realization that I gave my virginity to an unworthy person, broke all my pride. In one night I lost not only my innocence, but also my dignity, it broke me.
I left him, almost a year has passed. And I still can’t forgive myself for this whole situation. I try not to communicate closely with guys, like good friends, nothing more. This situation hurt me so much, it broke me, I feel like the most insignificant.
This may be a trifle for some, but for me it is a painful blow, and to my pride.
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