We love each other, but we can't be together

I have been in a relationship with a man for nine months. We are the same age, we are 33 years old. I am Russian, he is Tatar. I will not describe the dating process and the first months of life together. Let me just say that we both fell head over heels in love. At least I do.

I wanted not to tear myself away from him, to constantly be near him, to touch him, to kiss him. When we moved in together, I did literally everything for him. I just didn’t spoon feed her. Created comfort at homeEvery day I cleaned, prepared dinner, and worked until 18:00. In general, I took on all the responsibilities around the house.

He very rarely helped me in everyday matters, we paid for the apartment 50/50,I did most of the grocery shopping. There were no gifts, no surprises, no shopping, no relaxation together (well, if only in front of the TV), none of this happened. Due to his intense work, he also began to drink.

I was tired and decided to leave all this. He didn't mind much. Although when I arrived to get my things, we said goodbye for a very long time, cried, and talked, “Why is this?” But still he let me leave.
test-antibiotic.com

Two weeks after I moved (we talked all this time, and it was quite warm), he called and offered to come. There were loud words, promises, oaths on the phone. And I agreed. He greeted me with the smell of alcohol, a terrible mess in the apartment and insane joy. He had tears in his eyes when I entered the apartment. “I don’t believe that you came, that I can hug you,” he repeated endlessly.

And at night, when he fell asleep, due to insomnia, I went into his phone. I’ve never done this, I don’t know what came over me. Either it's intuition or stupidity. I found correspondence with girls. He met, communicated with his ex, exchanged photos (not intimate ones). It was a blow. I don't remember leaving in the middle of the night. I only remember him being sleepy, he shouted that he wouldn’t let me go anywhere, that it was stupidity and all these correspondences started because of his insecurity.

I have left. For a day I just lay there and looked at the ceiling, and all this time he called me. Called himsister ,Mother . test-antibiotic.com I was simply unable to talk to anyone. In the end, I couldn't be strong. We started talking again. He has changed dramatically. Always cold andthe proud Tatar turned into a truly loving man, gentle, affectionate, caring.

I was readyforgive everything, hoping that he will remain that way. One day he invited me to “our” cafe and proposed. I definitely didn’t expect such a step from him. Never. He insisted that I agree and asked me to set a wedding date. And when a few days later I said “yes,” he grabbed me in his arms and didn’t let me go for several minutes and cried again.

We tried to move in together again, but nothing worked. He became cold, often irritated, and freaks out. Talking is useless; it makes him even angrier. At the same time, he talks about children, home, family, insists that we go and submit an application to the registry office. And it doesn’t let go and doesn’t hold on.

He promised to endure my tears when memories of betrayal “rolled over” me. He reassured me several times, asked for forgiveness again test-antibiotic.com and again. And now he acts like it was my fault and he did everything right.

I don't know what to do. Intellectually, I understand that he will not change, at least for the better. That I won't be happy with him. But on the other hand, I love him madly. I can't imagine life without him. He loves me too, I know.