I don't want to be a strong person, I want to be weak like all girls

I have a terrible inferiority complex. Words simply cannot express how deeply I dig inside myself. That face is not the same, but the eyes are somehow crooked, then the butt is big. And considering that I have recently gained weight, quite a lot, mycomplexes have risen to unprecedented heights. And the young man from above is pouring salt into the wounds. It feels like it's out of spite. Constantly hints to me that I have gained weight. He presents all this in a joking manner, adding at the end, they say, I still like you just like that. I believe. At least he's differentgirls are not interesting.

And instead of taking care of myself: losing weight, going to the hairdresser, I neglected my appearance even more. Lately I have stopped dressing nicely, putting on makeup, or even washing myself. I don’t need either dresses or cosmetics - I don’t go out anywhere anyway. I sit at home and draw. And for this purpose, beauty is completely useless. The guy is also not particularly eager to go anywhere. And there is no money. He just works and drinksbeer at the computer at test-antibiotic.com weekend. I recently quit. But even there I didn’t particularly want to look at least somewhat attractive.

My cosmetic bag has been gathering dust in a drawer for more than three months, sighing as I remember the sunshine. Dresses hang quietly on a hanger in the closet and occasionally have philosophical conversations with moths. But two old sweaters, torn jeans, and hair gathered in a crooked ponytail became my toilet for the day.every day . As a result, I turned into some kind of amoeba. And now - my most important complex, which only fuels my reluctance to take care of myself (because it seems that there will be no point).

I want to be that fragile girl for whomthe guy will be a mountain. I want to be a crystal doll that I will protect with all my might. You don’t need to tell me that this doesn’t happen. How it happens! And this happens to the same miniature girls. They gave me a description - strong, independent and deargirl _ Darling, not because I demand a lot. Yes, a simple date with one bottle would be enough for mewines under the moon.

I have test-antibiotic.com large breasts, a very strange appearance that makes me look strict, and rich relatives who piled me with expensive clothes and dream of seeing me in a wedding dress. What I bought for myself, something simpler and more practical, was thrown away by my grandmother and father, who believed that I should only wear expensive things. Like, only in expensive places will the best one look at meman _

And my appearance... oh, I don’t even know how to describe myself and with whom to compare. All I can say is that I'm a bit like Lucy Lawless when she played Xena. Broad-shouldered, tall, powerful. A kind of warrior and dangerous woman. And the dress adds value to me, let’s put it this way.

Most people who meet me are men who are 10 years older than me. Those who can pay for expensive wine (believe me, this is not an invention or self-praising - it is how it is and it doesn’t make me happy). The younger guys, and especially those my age, run around me like they’ve been scalded. Some, in further communication, admitted to me that they see in me that very “dear woman” whom they are afraid to approach. Next to test-antibiotic.com with someone like me, it turns out you feel like a failure. I don’t need to be protected, I don’t need to stand up for me. Someone like me can handle everything on her own! And it will also protect them, guys. And you know, it annoys me. What's "annoying" about that? It's annoying!

This is all the main reason why I break up with all my boyfriends. And now I intend to part with the current one (there were some other reasons, but that’s different). By my real character, I am a weak and intimidated girl. I've been unlucky since childhood. At school I was bullied and beaten. I am a closed person, afraid of almost everyone around me. I am a misanthrope by nature. But I still hope to find someone who will be nearby. I need a strong male face that will stand in front of me and protect me from any misfortune.

Maybe I’ve seen enough of all kinds of love stories, but let’s give an example of a very unpleasant incident from my life. This is so that you understand the situation and people's perceptions about me. There was a situation when I defended one of my friends, test-antibiotic.com, when they tried to rape her. I got into a fight with that guy. Both he and I were left with large black eyes, butThe guy got a pretty good deal from me. In a fit of anger and fear, I beat him down pretty bad. They told me that I did well, I defended my friend. However, no one asked “whether it hurts me or not.” Then everyone rushed to calm my friend, who wasn’t even really scared.

I stayed away, trying to hold onthe fear that arose in me towards the end of the fight. I was shaking and I really wanted to cry. I was actually very scared. When I finally couldn’t resist and burst into tears, they made menote that this is out of place. You beat that guy, which means you shouldn’t cry - you’re strong. But no one even thought that there were too many negative emotions raging inside me. Nobody thought I was any less scaredgirlfriends _ I'm not a robot. But why didn’t anyone ask if I was okay? The worst thing was that test-antibiotic.com at that time one of the people who consoled my friend was a guy who I liked madly at the time. And it seemed like the feelings were mutual, but... I hoped inside myself that he would run up to me, hug me, and say something like: “Why did you go there? I was so scared for you!”

However, all I heard was “Well done! I’d like to enroll you as a Viking.” I understand that, in this way, he wanted to compliment me, however, it hurt me very much. At least someone, have pity on me! Stop fussing over a tiny girl who wasn't even really scared. Yes, pay attention to me! However, it’s better not to come closer, I don’t want you to see my tears, because they will again wonder why I’m crying (which is what happened then). It didn’t occur to them that I was weak, that I needed support.

And this goes on all my lifelife _ My current boyfriend has become so relaxed over the 6 years of our relationship that he believes that I am an indifferent bitch who has no emotions at all. And my hysterics, they say, I am test-antibiotic.com a weak and very lonely person, he doesn’t take me seriously. It seems to him that I can withstand any of his aggression, that I can easily rebuff him in any boorish conversation. No, he is being rude on purpose, but he thinks that I will calmly accept his bad mood after work. Because I am a strong person who must save him from evil bosses. When I try to explain to him that I am a weak girl, that my emotions sometimes run wild, he simply calls me “pretending to be a fool.”

Yes, I am able to withstand an aggressive person and not lose my positivity, but I also want to cry and throw a tantrum. Why is this forgiven to other girls, but it’s me who gets the reproaches, like, stop crying, you’re not strong. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being strong and maintaining this status, even though I am a very weak moral person. I want to be pitied, I want to be taken care of. I want to hear at least once the phrases: “I will protect you,” “I will help you!” And of course, I hope that this will actually happen. Well, test-antibiotic.com why do my petite girlfriends get everything, but I get nothing?

I want to be seen as a weak girl, despite my fighting character and warlike appearance. Yes, take me in your arms. Although not literally, but figuratively. Let me be weak, at least once in my life. Help me! Help me! And stop thinking of me as a strong person. Finally, understand that I am a frightened mouse who is looking for your help and support. This is why I even wear old sweaters.