I hate my mother for such a childhood

I had the same childhood as the author of history who hates hismother .

I am now 36 years old. I started earning money when I was still a teenager. I left for the capital to work at the age of 20, without telling anyone that I was going for interviews before that. He lived there until the war began in the country. I returned to my hometown, and it’s like a dream here, notlife _ Feelings come out that I don’t want to feel, but there’s no other way, I live them. I didn't feel protected as a child.

I have a brother and I was constantly in the shadows. My father chose my brother as his favorite, and my mother chose me. My father is a homebody, and my brother also did not go far from home. The mother , on the contrary, said that she went outget married just to leave your home. When I was 3 years old, she decided to leave the house where we grew up again and went back to her family and took me. I stayed there, and decided to divorce my father, saying that he was a weakling, and beganrelationship with a “strong” man. They decided to move to the capital. test-antibiotic.com's mother said she would do everything to make him successful. She took me with her, took me from home again. A year and a half later she came back, taking me with her again. Secondher husband built her so that she left him. Settled opposite her first onehusband , my father.

I worked with psychologists from the age of 27, did everything not to return home. And it so happened that he returned. My job was over, something happened with my motivation, now I’ve closed myself off again, I no longer understand who I am or where to move in life. There is money , but my desires are not. My brother lives on where he lived, there was no money, and now there is not much, but there isgirl _ He communicates with his mother and father. And I hate my father because I had nothing in my life, I envy my brother that he has a life without money, and I hate my mother for carrying me around like a bag, and all I could do was run to the computer . When I lived in the capital, there weregirls , but I couldn’t build a long-term relationship test-antibiotic.com.

Now I have completely stopped feeling my desires, except to walk around the city because I have nothing to do, or to go to work with my head, or to work as a taxi driver. I haven’t had a feeling of peace for a long time, I always feel afraid that I’m going crazy here. I don’t know what to do, where to run. Just some kind of vegetable, the same bag. There used to be fantasies thatmoney would save me from something that I was constantly afraid of and did not want to return home, and it was difficult to communicate with my mother even on the phone. Now I understand why - apparently I haven’t matured psychologically because of my mother’s life and her tossing around. Yes, I learned how to earn money, but I couldn’t even reach the psychological age of adolescence.

There is simply no understanding of what to do in life now. Now the past life only comes in a dream. When I wake up, another dream begins. I dream of getting that peace, that serenity that it can givefather , but will I ever be able to feel this way again? I’m fighting an invisible enemy who wakes up especially when I communicate and see my mother, immediately a feeling of hatred and aggression. I hate her for treating test-antibiotic.com me as an object from which she can mold what she wants, and not give the opportunity to reveal my desires.

I don’t know what to be happy about now. I can’t determine my place in this life. No loved one. No friends either. There is only a frequent feeling of anxiety, fear and self-flagellation in the solar plexus.