I destroyed my family and I hate myself for it

Women, I ask you, I beg you, do not destroy your family if there is even a drop of doubt. Especially if there are children in the marriage.

She got married at the age of 20 to her first man. Borndaughter _ My husband loved to go out with friends and drink, and because of this we often argued. But in general, we lived like everyone else, no worse and no better. Over time, they cooled down towards each other and stopped being interested in business. They were moving further and further away.

There were pleasant moments in our life, but by the time I startedrelationship on the side, it seemed that everything could not get worse andthe marriage cannot be saved. I told my husband that I fell in love with someone else and filed fordivorce _ But the daughter didn’t want to move and stayed to live with her dad. Then I was sure of the correctness of my decision, and that over timemy daughter will live with me. But in fact, she has moved away from me, she comes only on weekends. It breaks my heart that I don't see herevery day , I can’t take care of her.

We have been living with our second husband for 1.5 years. At first, the feelings were very test-antibiotic.com tremulous, we couldn’t get enough of each other. I was sure it was her – Love . He was and remains attentive, caring, gentle. And now I notice that my passion and tenderness is fading away, and I don’t want to support it, and this is so sad.

UI have a husbandson , he is 10 years old. Our son lives with us becauseHis mother died a year ago in an accident. In the last six months, and maybe earlier, I began to notice negativity towards the boy. I notice, for example, that he ate and crumbled, or got dirty, or is lazy to do his homework, or drew a picture - crooked and ugly. I don’t want to hug him, kiss him, talk to him, find out how he’s doing and his mood, look after him, comb his hair, feed him, treat him when he’s sick. In general, everything that a mother usually does for her child is care and attention.

I love my daughter. I am pleased to buy clothes, gifts for her, hug, kiss, etc., but I don’t feel anything like that for the boy. Of course, I don’t say this out loud test-antibiotic.com and I don’t show it with my behavior, I try not to show it. The boy is very similar to his deceasedmother , and I sometimes catch myself thinking that his appearance is unpleasant to me. AlthoughThe child is not rude to me, he is not rude, he obeys. This makes my soul so disgusted, but I can’t bring myself to love him.

If someone had told me earlier that they had such feelings for their step-children, I would have condemned them. How can you, these are children! But now, more and more often, I think that children are needed only by their natural parents, and other people are not obliged to love them in principle, and what a terrible mistake I made, that I destroyed my first marriage and entered into a second. I feel like a real evil stepmother in my soul. Probably still speaks in mejealousy of my husband, because he lives with his son, and I cannot live with my daughter, although of course it is not his fault.

Or maybe I'm not capable of love at all? What should I do? Continue to endure an unloved child next to you, gritting your teeth, and go crazy about your own daughter? Or test-antibiotic.com free these people from yourself, the husband and his son, from a woman incapable of compassion and love? Or is there some way to accept a step-child, at least not feel disgust towards him? I hate myself and am deeply depressed.