All my emotions have disappeared and I am turning into a soulless robot.

I am 18 years old and I am a 3rd year student. I don’t know when exactly this started, but I’m becoming kind of empty. I have no real emotions, I live by changing masks depending on the situation, I have no aspirations or ambitions. Where I need to rejoice, I stand with a stone face. Where to cry is the same.

For example, when I was 12 years old, my grandmother, whom I loved very much, died. It was in the evening, I was sitting at the computer and playing racing, when I suddenly heard my mother sobbing (I lived only with my mother, she and my father were divorced). Immediately running into the room, I saw her sitting on the bed and crying. I asked what happened, and she said that my grandmother had just died of illness. At first I felt very sad, but then it was as if something clicked inside and all the emotions were washed away. I am still ashamed that I had to squeeze the tears out of myself.

After a couple of years, I began to change a lot; according to my mother, I became more cruel, uncommunicative and unemotional. I have no test-antibiotic.com problems communicating with people, since I know well when and what kind of mask to wear. Only when I am with my family I don’t wear any masks. Then I didn’t think about it because I didn’t care and it didn’t bother me, on the contrary, it helped. My insecurities and speech impediments disappeared; calmness helped in many critical situations.

But the other day one of my closea friend said I was becoming scary. OnI asked what exactly scared her about me, she said: “Even though you smile when you need to, but you have a kind of frightening look.” After this, I decided to write to this site and find an explanation for my behavior. I probably waited too long, but maybe all is not lost for me yet.